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Lands’ End Holiday Looks

It’s the last day of November and we’re gearing up for the most crazy time of year. I’m sure all of your calendars look as nuts as mine does for the next four weeks – baking, shopping, wrapping, and – of course – partying! We’ve got at least three Christmas parties on our agenda, and that doesn’t even include Christmas itself. Normally I would stress out about what to wear to all of them, but this year I went to LandsEnd.com and found their Holiday Style Guide – and voila. Perfect outfits already put together for me!

Lands’ End seriously has everything you need for holiday parties, whether it’s a get-together with colleagues, church, or dinner with friends, they’ve got you covered. Here are a few of my favorites!

First, the dresses. I looooove dresses, and I think these are just gorgeous.

I was looking for something a little more casual (but still dressy!) for a work party (and to meet Nick Lachey!), and the lovely folks at Lands End sent me this:

I clicked on “Shop the Look, and it showed me every piece that went into making this outfit just right. I really love this feature!

I also looooove the outfit. The Dolman Sleeve Velvet V-Neck Top come in four different jewel-toned colors. It is so pretty and ridiculously comfortable. The draping on the sides is really flattering. Did I mention it’s comfortable? Speaking of comfortable – the pants that go with this outfit are amazing. I could live in them. And they look so nice – I absolutely love the leg. It’s straight without being skinny. Know what I mean? It’s perfect. Also, I like that the zipper is on the side, which makes for a sleeker look.

Don’t forget the accessories! “Shop the Look” also includes jewelry, shoes, and a clutch. The clutch – oh my goodness. I love this thing. It’s made of beautiful leather and has hand-finished edges that make it super classy. It’s the perfect size for a phone, keys, and credit cards, and there are zippered pockets inside so nothing gets lost. Also – the shoes. I freaking love the shoes that go with this outfit. They’re the Women’s Ashby Essential High Heels, and I loved them so much I got two pairs. They are very comfortable and look SO great. And, of course, since they’re Lands’ End, I am confident I’ll be wearing them for years!

The second holiday look I picked is this:

The Long Sleeve Georgette Bow Shirt is professional and festive both. It’s made of a delicate, light material that drapes like silk. The Ponte Trousers are fantastic as well – I love everything I have from the Ponte collection. It’s a knit material that’s dressy enough for work. It looks great and is really comfortable. They come in four different colors – I might have to order the other three! The Pearl Drop earrings are lovely and they’re quickly becoming a staple in my wardrobe.

Lands’ End has everything you need for holiday looks for the whole family! Today’s a great day to check out Lands’ End – use promo code JINGLE and get 40% off any one item and free shipping on $50 orders.

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Jenny’s Life Klass: What NOT to buy your kid for Christmas

Oh hello there! Welcome to the next installment of Jenny’s Life Klass. It’s been way too long since I’ve written one of these instructional gems, and I imagine your lives are all going to hell in a handbasket because of it. I’m SO sorry! Let me help you get back on track just in time for the holidays with this can’t-miss list of things to NOT buy your kid for Christmas. I repeat, DO NOT BUY THIS CRAP.  Even if little Honest’I and Hashtag (dudes, someone named their kid HASHTAG this week!) are dyyyiinnng to have it! This is not advertorial! Maybe there’s no such thing as bad press, but I’m tryyyying here. This stuff sucks. So, let’s get started!

1) LOL Elmo – I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about the over-use of the phrase “LOL”. Well here’s a prime example. My own kids love and have loved Elmo, but I’d never buy them one that looks (and probably sounds) like he’s having a constant seizure. OR TELLS JOKES. This thing tells jokes! Who wants to hear Elmo tell the same three jokes overandoverandoverandover again? Let me think about it….NO ONE! Have mercy, people. Don’t. Buy. It.

2) Bratz Bratzillaz dolls – Great  news, parents! Now there’s a doll that teaches your kid that being slutty is cool, and witchcraft is cooler! It’s like the worst Halloween costume, ever – IN A DOLL!  Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! But don’t take my word for it! The official product description says, “Glam gets wicked with Bratzillaz. These Bratz are the only fashion dolls that help girls achieve their dreams with special witch powers, wicked glam fashions and adorable mischievous pets.”

Really? If you want your darling daughter to become Sabrina the Teenage Whoretch, buy ’em all!

3) Furby – Or as I like to call it, WTFurby?? I am going to have NIGHTMARES just from looking at this picture! For the record, parents, you should never, ever, EVER buy anything for your child that comes with these instructions: “Pet ____’s head, tickle its tummy or pull its tail and see what happens” !!?? Um, uh…the possible scenarios are giving me an anxiety attack. Don’t let the Furby EAT YOUR BABY!

4) One Direction What Makes You Beautiful Doll – Umm, isn’t the name of this doll ironic? OHMAHGAH!!! Please don’t make me explain why you should not buy this creepy, scary, creepariffic, frightening, scary McGary, icky, robot-like boy band doll for your child. Please. Just know that every time one of these dolls is sold, an African village is  burned to the ground. All right, that is probably not true, BUT…bad things will happen if you welcome this thing into your home. EEEEEEEK!

 

5) Power Wheels Escalade – I’m not gonna lie to you, people. If you buy your 3-year-old a $500 Cadillac SUV for a “toy”, you will go straight to hell. 

Allright my friends, that’s the list! Don’t worry, if you’ve screwed up and purchased any of these stinkbombs, there’s still plenty of time to return them! As a matter of fact, your homework is to return them if you’ve already bought one. And if you haven’t committed such an act of treachery, your homework is to go buy something that doesn’t suck and isn’t a colossal waste of money. Do that and you will earn an A+++! Give to a charity in your child’s name instead of buying a WTFurby?!? and you will get extra credit!

Happy shopping!

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Just Say Yes to Drugs.

Hippie Sale

Many, many moons ago, back when I was young and dumb, I attended a hippie music festival with Andy. Everything – everything – was legal in that place (or at least was overlooked by the rent-a-cops in attendance) except one thing – nitrous.

There was no nitrous allowed.

The security guards searched cars – not for drugs, mind you, because if they searched for drugs and you didn’t have any they’d probably try to give them to you – but for nitrous tanks.

No nitrous! That shit’ll kill you.

However, one group of hippies managed to get their nitrous tank past the fuzz and into the camp grounds, and in the middle of the afternoon Andy, our friends and I were sitting near our tent minding our own business (not doing drugs, for the record. I read Sweet Valley High – Regina Morrow’s fatal overdose scarred me for life, thankyouverymuch). Ahem. As I was saying. So all the sudden we hear this loud boom and a handful of hippies started rolling out of one tent, running for their lives. Their nitrous tank had exploded. BUT – for every hippie that fled the scene, there were four more hippies running in the direction of the explosion. Dozens of hippies crawling around on their hands and knees, furiously sniffing at the cloud of nitrous that was quickly disappearing into thin air.

At the time, I looked on them the same way I looked at all hippies with disgust. For shame, for shame. Breaking the rules, risking their lives doing DRUGS. Someone needed to call Nancy Reagan stat.

But.

Fast forward to today, when I innocently walked into my dentist office for a crown and walked out two hours later as a drug enthusiast.

The dental assistant, kind soul that she was, asked me if I’d like some nitrous with my novocaine, and after determining that yes, I’d be safe to drive, I told her to hook me up. I’d never had the stuff before, but OMG people, I wanted to take it home with me! They could have sawed my jaw off and I couldn’t have cared less. I just wanted to keep huffing the laughing gas. $500 for a two-hour procedure suddenly seemed like a bargain. Man, that was good stuff.

So, hippies I looked down upon all those years ago – I get it now. I totally get it. The next time a tank explodes, I’ll be right there with ya.

But you still need a shower.

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