You may recall that Emily is a wee bit obsessed with MTV’s hit reality show 16 and Pregnant. I’ve only ever seen the Caitlin-and-Tyler-give-their-baby-up-for-adoption episode, which I must admit WAS quite riveting.
But let me tell you about the reality that is too crazy for TV! Probably because it would make MTV’s audiences scream and run away in terror. Or make people stop procreating altogether.
33 and pregnant, baby. I am keeping it REAL.
Real grumpy. Real fat. Real hairy-legged. Real WHINY.
When I had Joshua I was 26. Now I feel like I have aged about 70 years instead of 7! My feet are killing me, my BELLY hurts, I think I pulled a non-existent stomach muscle hauling Sophie out of the pumpkin patch yesterday, I can neither sit, stand, nor lie down comfortably and oh, the peeing! The near incontinence! It’s purty sexy.
It doesn’t help that Jonah is apparently the reincarnation of the dancing baby from Ally McBeal. He is all party, all the time! And he is ripping up my insides!
So that’s the reality. MTV ain’t ready for this jelly! I’m sure I’d get cancelled after one episode. Like this morning’s episode, where I decided to remove my month-old leg hair with VEET instead of a razor because SURELY it would be easier, less bloody, and quicker. Well. It WAS less bloody. And my leg hair is GONE! But burning the hair off your legs is no easier than slicing it off when you’re a gazillion months pregnant, unfortunately. Unless it’s just me! Oh, but potential viewers, you’ll never know! And you’re probably better off that way!
One episode that IS a tragedy to be missed – even though there aren’t any profanity-laden fights with either my parental figures or my baby daddy in store, is the Grande Finale when Emily ties my tubes in the operating room after I give birth! That is going to be EPIC!
You’ll just have to settle for the blogged version!
