There’s no crying in t-ball (or at least there shouldn’t be).

Kate is in the midst of her first season of t-ball. It’s about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. They are all doing their best to remember which way to run and what to do when the ball is hit to them… and of course most of them are doing the requisite playing in the dirt. There are no outs, no keeping score – it’s all about learning the rules of the game and having fun.

Having fun. Yes, that is the idea. Most of them are doing just that… but there’s always an exception to the rule.

So what to do if your kid isn’t having fun? How do you know when it’s time to chalk the registration fee up to a loss and try again next year? How are you to determine if your kid’s just not ready for t-ball? It’s a tough decision to make, I’m sure (or at least it seems to be for one family on our team), so let me clear it up for you.

(I swear I am not making this up.)

— If he bursts into tears at the sight of the ball diamond, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If you have to hit the ball for him, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If you have to carry him from base to base, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If you are the tallest person doing the team cheer, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If you will forever be immortalized in the team picture because you’re forcibly holding your son in place, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If, on the way to first base, he takes off his batting helmet and kicks it, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If he spits in the coach’s face and, when asked to apologize, throws dirt at her, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.
— If he then hits the same coach as he walks off the field, your kid might not be ready for t-ball.

Yeah, call me crazy, but I think It’s time to give up the ghost. I feel really sorry for the poor kid – he is obviously miserable. I just don’t understand his parents’ insisting he continue to play. His future MLB career is not resting upon this season. I felt bad for the mom, too, until I saw her struggling to spank the little hellion without dropping her cigarette. Ugh.

Oh, and one more thing… if you tell the coaches your kid doesn’t respond to his given name and they should call him by the name of his favorite WWE wrestler, you might be a redneck.

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Comments

  1. The most important thing about being a parent of a t-ball player is that it doesn’t matter if you win or lose… what matters is how good the snack is after the game.

  2. LOL! You crack me up! I like your attitude!

  3. Oh my gosh! I have GOT to start attending these games!! When’s the next one??

  4. Oy! Poor kid. I’m thinking about rugby for my five year old. Rugby is pure chaos anyway, so if he runs the wrong way maybe people won’t notice. 😛

  5. This all goes back to the fact that people should have to have a license before they can have children.
    I tell ya, my first year dealing with baseball, it was a huge pain in the you know what. If my child didn’t want to do it, there is no way I would waist my time and/or deal with the frustration.

  6. A kid being called by their favorite wrestler’s name is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. I was laughing so hard I was crying!!!

  7. Your bullet points make me sad, because they are the perfect summation of my little league career. Yeah, I was the kid who talked to himself in the outfield…or worse, sang Billy Joel’s greatest hits while picking dandelions.

  8. There are moments when all you can say is “WOW…”
    Maybe they should let the kid go into politics instead…he seems much more suited to that particular game…

  9. “if you tell the coaches your kid doesn’t respond to his given name and they should call him by the name of his favorite WWE wrestler, you might be a redneck.” hahahahha. That is hilarious.

  10. Nope, you really can’t make that sort of stuff up. It’s just as bad in little league soccer, but the balls don’t nearly as bad when they hit you. I’m almost afraid to ask what the “wrassler’s” name is.

  11. Oh my Gosh. I am LMAO…how can you say you aren’t funny (per your latest blog). I actually shouldn’t laugh though b/c it is really sad for that poor child.

  12. HI-larious. OMG. LMAO!!!!! Truth is stranger than fiction, once again.

  13. Ok so as one of the the T-ball coaches who was actually spit on, told to call him his favorite WWE name, and kicked this is the best blog! I can confirm there is nothing but facts here! You are too funny EM. My husband and I coached and we are so burnt out from last year we are not going to coach next year. As a parent you should be able to enjoy these precious moments that pass too quickly! As a child who has been anticipating his first year of tball (my son could not wait) they should be able to have a better experience! We were just not able to do that with this kid! However, Em did forget to mention that she was PREGNANT when she was trying to spank him with the Cig in her hand! Not that I claim to be better than anyone else, but seriously that is just wrong on sooooo many levels!

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