A Conversation with My Cat

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well, so while Sophie napped I sent Joshua into our study to play computer (he is rather adept at PBS Kids and Playhouse Disney) while I laid down on the couch. Now, I almost never get the luxury of laying down on the couch, so even though I was sick, I was really enjoying it. Then, my cat Paper (he was my frist anniversary gift…get it?) started snooping around me hopefully. He perched on the coffee table that sits right in front of the couch and got on eye level with me. I tried to read his mind as he stared at me with his steely blue eyes. Here is our ensuing (imaginary) conversation:

Paper: So you’re laying on the couch, huh?
Me: Yeah.
Paper: Want some company? I really, really, really, wanna curl up with you on the couch!
Me: I kind of just wanna lay down by myself.
Paper: (Sigh) Remember a few years ago, before you had those kids, when you’d come home from work and lay down on the couch, and we’d curl up together and watch re-runs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Me: Yeah. Good times.
Paper: I really miss that! You never snuggle with me anymore!
Me: Paper, we will snuggle on this couch again one day. Maybe in six or seven years when the kids are a little more independent.
Paper: Six or seven years? Woman, I am almost seven years old myself. In human years, that is. I could be DEAD in six or seven years.
Me: Oh, yeah. Bummer. Well, you can snuggle with me now if you promise not to drool.
Paper: Whatever. I’m gonna go sleep on the clean laundry. BYE.
Me: (calling after him) Nobody likes a sour puss!

Yeah, I think I won that verbal sparring match!

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16.5 down, 23.5 to go.

I can’t believe 16.5 weeks has gone by… and I can’t believe I have 23.5 more to go. At the same time, I can’t believe I only have 23.5 weeks to go. How on earth am I going to be ready?? I have a panic attack every time I think about how we’re going to get out of the house in the morning when we have two kids. I am already consistently 10 minutes late for work as it is. Good thing everyone else in my office is consistently an hour late. Oops, did I write that?

Anyway, I have finally gotten (mostly) rid of the nausea and vomitting fun of the first trimester. It’s crazy how much better I feel. However, at my doctor’s appointment yesterday I found out that the reduction of vomitting and increase in appetite has lead to a five pound weight gain this month. Yes, you read that right, folks. Five pounds in one month. Let’s hope that doesn’t set the pace for the rest of the pregnancy. That would just not be pretty. Right now my biggest compliant is heartburn… it’s pretty awful. I’ve been taking Pepcid and Tums, but neither are really cutting it.

According to WebMD, the baby some pretty cool things are happening with the baby. Here’s what it says about week 16:

Your baby now measures about 4.3 to 4.6 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 2.8 ounces (damn, I was hoping to blame the five pounds on the baby). Fingernails are well-formed and the fine hair, lanugo, may be growing on the head (let’s just hope it’s not growing on the ears, back and shoulders, as it may have with a certain other baby who shall remain nameless). Arms and legs are moving. The nervous system is functioning and muscles are responding to stimulation from your baby’s brain. You may be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat in the doctor’s office (it was 155 yesterday – does that mean boy or girl? I can never remember).

Your uterus has grown significantly by now and weighs about 8.75 ounces (Ok let’s see… 2.8 oz for the baby plus 8.75 oz for the uterus… doesn’t equal five pounds). Within the next few weeks you may start to feel your baby move, called “quickening.” It’s often like a gas bubble or subtle fluttering movement. As it happens more regularly, you’ll know it’s your baby. There are other physiological changes happening in your body. Increased blood volume to support your growing fetus may produce nosebleeds, and leg veins may become more apparent (wow, that’s something to look forward to). Your uterus is shifting so you may not have to urinate so much.

So that’s what going on with me and the baby that’s cookin’. Thanks for indulging me and I promise not to do this every week for the next 23 weeks 🙂

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When Mommies’ Night Out Goes Horribly Wrong

This past Monday Emily and I were all a-twitter about having a Mommies’ night out together. My friend Luanne, who is a Mary Kay consultant (or Pink Lady as I like to call her) had invited us to her MK team’s training session for a free spa facial! Em and I were thrilled to be her team’s guinea pigs on this new facial, get pampered, and spend time together sans kiddos. Plus, in honor of Halloween, the Pink Ladies were having a “trash or treat” night for us. So we each had a bag of old makeup (trash) that we were going to trade in for Mary Kay products at a nice discount (treat). As you know Emily and I love a bargain so this was just the icing on the cake!

My darling husband had agreed to keep not only our own children but Emily’s daughter Kate as well, because Em’s husband had a meeting that night. So Em & Kate arrived and we took off. Emily was a little nervous about how Kate would feel staying with Bobby so she said as we left, “Jenny and I are just going out to run an errand and we’ll be right back.” Kate accepted this easily enough and we raced off to our pampering paradise. We arrived at the MK meeting and were eagerly listening to Luanne’s director explain what goodies we were in for when my cell phone rang. “Sorry!” I said sheepishly as I stepped outside to answer. I saw on the caller ID that it was my husband.

Me: Hello?
Bobby: Hi. Um…we have a problem.
Me: (heart pounding) Ok, what is it?
Bobby: Um…Kate has…pooped her pants.
Me (relieved because no one’s dead or hurt, yet totally shocked): Oh my gosh! We’ll be right home!

I walked back into the MK meeting and announced, “Um…everything’s okay, but, we have to go.”

“Oh NO!” cried the Pink Ladies.

“Your kid or my kid?” Emily asked nervously.
“Your kid.” I said.

We booked it out of there and I briefed her on the situation. She was also totally shocked, because, here’s the thing: Kate’s three-and-a-half, and she’s been potty trained since she was like, two weeks old. Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration, but she was potty trained just after she turned two, by her father, in one day. Yes, you read that correctly. She is a total potty pro, and had never pooped her pants before until that night! Emily and I both surmised that the poor girl must’ve just been too uncomfortable to tell Bobby she had to go.

We got in the car and I looked at my cell phone to see what time Bobby had called.
Me: (cracking up) Em, we were in there for FOUR MINUTES! FOUR MINUTES!! You know what this means? We HAVE to put this on Mommin’ It Up!
Emily: Oh geez. When is the last time we did something together without the kids?
Me: Uh…
Emily: It may have been before Sophie was born.
Me (getting depressed): I think it was!
Emily: Oh no wait, we had a meeting about the blog, remember?
Me: Oh yeah, at the library? When was that?
Emily: Kate was at Bible School that night, so it was July.
Me: July? That is SO SAD!

We made it back to my house as fast as Emily’s car would carry us. I looked at my cell phone when we pulled in the driveway. It had been seventeen minutes since Bobby called for backup. Not bad! As we scurried up to the doorway, I said “Well Em, you did tell Kate we’d be right back.”

“I guess that’s what you get for lying to your kids,” she quipped.

We went inside, and Emily took a totally-in-denial Kate up to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Poor Bobby’s relief was visible. I can’t imagine what sort of trauma both he and Kate would have experienced if we had left him to deal with it. When I went up to the bathroom to bring Em some supplies, she said, “Do you think it’s bad if I just throw these pants away? I got them on clearance for like three bucks.”

“I’ve totally done it!” I assured her. (Pooping his pants was Joshua’s specialty for quite awhile, unfortunately!)

After a while, she and Kate (very stylish in Joshua’s underwear and sweatpants) came downstairs. Kate was fully recovered and ready to play with Joshua and Sophie some more. Emily, however, was looking a little weary.

“Oh cousin, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same!” she lamented.


Believe it or not, we are going to try AGAIN for our spa facials next Monday! The MK ladies didn’t get to do their training due to our sudden departure, so here’s hoping the second time around will be more successful and much less stinky for all of us!

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