This is Why You ALWAYS Check Your Dates Out on

Hey remember that time I told you that I am my own Grandpa? And Emily is her own Grandma? And we are related to each other twice because we are so inbred that if we ever got into a fight we’d have to disown each other like 12 times to make it official? ‘Member, ‘member? In case you’ve forgotten, here’s the diagram!

Well, recently, things in our family tree got a whole! lot! more! confusing! And of course, fun…

{cue banjo music}

You see, a few weeks ago, my mom and dad took my cousin Amy and her husband Tom on a trip to their place in Virginia. Amy is my first cousin on my dad’s side (i.e. not related to Emily) and she and Tom have been married about 6 years. Aren’t they cuuuuuute?

Amy and Tom

They had a great time on their trip. Tom is a grizzly mountain man like my dad so they enjoyed manly stuff like hunting and fishing and what-not. However, it wasn’t until the car ride home that the party really got started.

“Aunt Diane,” said Amy, “I can’t believe I’ve never thought of this before, but Tommy’s mom’s maiden name is Burns.”

My mom’s maiden name is Burns, as is Emily’s.

“Oh where is she from?” said my mom.

“Clay County, Kentucky.” said Amy.

Guess who else is from Clay County, Kentucky? My grandparents! My mom and Emily’s dad were born there. WITH THE LAST NAME BURNS.

“I’m sure we’re related!” said  my mom excitedly.

And within hours, she had discovered that we are related to my cousin’s husband.

I am my cousin’s cousin. I am also my cousin’s husband’s cousin.

{Turn up the banjo music.}

Emily is my cousin! And she’s also my cousin’s husband’s cousin!

Confused yet? Slightly grossed out? No worries! Tom and Amy are  not related {that we know of}.

But I am related to them BOTH. Rock on! Need a visual aid??

fam tree 3

Emily and I are 6th cousins to Tom. And I am first cousin to Amy. Tom got to meet his newfound cousins, Emily and her kids, and her dad (my Uncle Dan) at our extended family Mother’s Day picnic the  other day. ALL COUSINS! SO MANY COUSINS!

So my cousin has been married to my cousin for 6 years.

And I had no idea.

But let me stress again, they are not each other’s cousins. So it’s cool.

HOWEVAH, All my children’s dates will be thoroughly researched on JUST IN CASE.

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Things That Would Be Good For This Blog

Last night I was at my nephew Charles’ baseball game (he’s a senior and it’s the last one I’ll get to attend which makes this #FanAunt sad, nostalgic, and rather old-feeling) and it was getting pretty TENSE up in there – HELLO, extra innings?? I can’t handle the stress!!

SO naturally I texted Emily to tell her about it because THAT’S WHAT I DO IN STRESSFUL SITUATIONS! Lucky Emily, right? She responded in a way that was less about MY PROBLEMS and more about how said problems could be used for the betterment of this blog. Exhibit A:

EMily text 1

Naturally Emily’s solution to my PROBLEM of baseball game-related stress was that I should lose my shark and get arrested so she can post my bail – and my mug shot.

This made me think of another time when I texted her recently when I was having some pain in my ovarian areas and I decided to go get ‘em checked out because we take our ovaries pretty seriously around here. SO – turns out I have a cyst on my right ovary but it’s the kind that can just hang out there with no problem. But naturally when I texted Emily with this news, she had another solution:

EMily text 2

Because OMG wouldn’t it be awesome if we had hysterectomies on the SAME DAY by the SAME DOCTOR?? SO BLOGGABLE!!!!! Twin hysterectomies and twin MENOPAUSE!! Whee!!!Blog fodder for months!!

But, I don’t want to turn into a dude. So I’m gonna try to keep my lady parts for now…even though Emily doesn’t want me to.

But anyway…do you see why I always run to my cousin Emily with my woes, people? She always has my our best interests at heart.

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Brain Chase Summer Learning Challenge

Brain Chase logo

A few weeks ago, I told you about the Brain Chase Summer Learning Challenge, which helps alleviate the dreaded brain drain that can happen over the summer. Brain Chase has several new announcements, and I wanted to bring you up to speed on the latest!

First of all, here’s a sneak peek of the 2015 challenge – The Sunstone of Cortes.

I’m excited for Kate and Sam to take part in this! They’ll be able to monitor their progress using the Brain Chase dashboard and see how close they’re getting to finding the Sunstone – which is were the $10,000 prize is hidden!


Brain Chase has partnered with Rosetta Stone this year, and participants will have the option to replace a writing module with a language module. They can choose from any of the 30+ languages offered!

The Brain Chase Challenge has two pricing packages. The regular package is $199 for the first registration, and then $100 for each sibling, and the premium pricing package which includes Brain Chase registration plus a Brain Chase-branded adventure backpack, a Brain Chase t-shirt and Sunstone of Cortés patch is $249 for the first registration, and then $149 for each sibling.

Additionally, Brain Chase will be hosting a 4-city Library Challenge this month. In each of the following cities, they will hide a voucher worth $1,000 in a local public library:

o Salt Lake City (May 4)
o Seattle (May 11)
o Boston (May 18)
o Orange County (June 1)

For more information, visit their website or check out the Brain Chase Blog!

This post was written in partnership with Brain Chase and

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