Inferior Parent Alert!

joshua bobby

Bobby and Joshua are currently on a father-son trip. This is their third year to go to Audiofeed Music Festival, listen to loud music, eat canned beans, and bond. Subsequent children get to join when they are 10, so right now it’s just the two of them. One subsequent child named Jonah is super-pissed that Daddy and Joshua have left him alone with ME (and Sophie).

From last night’s epic “I want Daddy and Joshua to come home” pre-bedtime meltdown:

jonah losing it

THE HORROR!

Jonah LOST HIS MIND. He is very, very attached to Joshua, and he really, really, wants Daddy to put him to bed every night and spend every minute that he’s not at work with him.

Because…DADDY is the FUN parent.

Last weekend I went away to my 15-year college reunion (let’s  NOT talk about the fact that I am old as dirt right now, k?). Let me just say that while I was gone, the kids were with their dad and NO tantrums were thrown by ANYONE about my absence. AND when I got home, Bobby and the kids were out, so I was by myself for a bit. When they got home and we were lovingly reunited after 48 hours apart, the FIRST thing Jonah said to me, the FIRST thing out of his sweet little lips was:
“I want you to go work.”

What the FISHITY FISH!??! Knife. In. Heart.

Clearly Jonah knows that the fun stops when Mommy enters the building.

This week, on Tuesday, we were enjoying a nice family dinner and near the end of it Jonah said: ”Mommy are you going to go to the store?” (I had gone to the grocery the previous night after dinner.)

Me: No

Jonah: I want you to go bye bye and go to the store!

Bobby: Is it because you think Daddy’s going to let you play video games?

Jonah: Yeah.

INGRATE! So carrying you for 9  months, nursing you for two years, and meeting EVERY SINGLE NEED YOU HAVE EVER means nothing apparently. Seriously, the parent who knows his #$%! shoe size, makes all his meals and SLAVES over trying to get him caught up on his language should get SOME points, right?

Nope.

I give.

All hail the fun parent. I’ll just be over here folding the laundry.

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Stay Safe with Kidde

June is home safety month, which is fitting because summer is rife with opportunities for kids to hurt themselves.

Looking back on several of the “exciting” things that have happened to us, it seems to fit:
- Sam stuck a pretzel up his nose, landing himself in the emergency room – August 2010
- Sam busted his head running around with friends, ditto on the emergency room – May 2011
- Sam sprayed himself in the eye with spray paint, called poison control – July 2014

I’m sure there are more examples that I’m forgetting. See also: boys.

Of course, summer is when we tend to spend more time away from home as well. But even when we’re not there, we want to keep an eye on our house, kids and pets – enter the RemoteLync from Kidde.

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The RemoteLync listens for a smoke or carbon monoxide alarm and then uses wifi to alert the homeowner on iOS and Android-compatible devices.

It works with existing alarms, doesn’t require a monthly fee, and is easy to set up. I plugged ours in, downloaded the app, and got connected all within 10 minutes.

When an alarm is detected, the RemoteLync sends an email and/or text message to designated people, who can then directly call 911, temporarily silence the warning, or call a friend or neighbor to check things out.

Here’s the test text message I received.

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A few things I like about the RemoteLync:
- It’s reasonably priced. The RemoteLync can be purchased at Home Depot for $99.
- There are no hidden costs. It doesn’t require a subscription or monthly fee.
- It’s easy to set up. Just plug it in, download the app, and go through a brief set up. Like I said, the whole thing took me less than 10 minutes.
- One device monitors an entire home. It’s designed to cover the average-sized US home, approximately 2200 square feet.
- It provides peace of mind. You’ll be the first to know if something goes wrong at your house.

We all know how important fire safety is in our homes. The RemoteLync from Kidde adds another layer of protection so we can act quickly even when we’re away from home.

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This post was sponsored by Kidde. All opinions are my own.

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5 Foolproof Ways to Have a Really Awesome Summer

Dear Joshua, Sophie, and Jonah,

Hey kids! I’ve got some great ideas on how to make this the Best. Summer. EVAH! You know as a mom I have struggled in the past with having you home all summer and up in my GRILL,  but those days are GONE. I’ve come up with 5 ways to make this summer super-tastic and I think if we all work together on these, we are gonna have a GREAT time. Ready? Here goes!

5

1) Get up early

Listen up, pups. You know I get up at 5:45 every day to work while you’re sleeping, but the truth is that the whole time I am drinking my coffee and being super-productive, I am longing to see your little faces and be constantly interrupted. Plus, there are SO MANY EXCITING SUMMER  THINGS happening in the WEE HOURS of the morning, you just do NOT wanna miss it. So PLEASE, do not sleep any later than 7:30 a.m. every day or our summer is gonna SUCK.

2) Ask me for stuff constantly

Just because you’re old enough to make your own cereal, use the microwave, and get yourself dressed doesn’t mean I still don’t want to do EVERYTHING for you. I’m a MOM,  even though I have a work from home job now. If you fail to interrupt me every 5 minutes to look at your latest bug bite or tell me a really annoying story or ask me to do something that you can totally do for yourself, I will FORGET WHO I AM and become completely depressed. Please do not under any circumstances attempt to be independent!

3) Beg me to have a friend over at least 3 times a day

School’s out! YAY! I love summer! Except for when I remember I won’t spend all day, every day with my friends! Easy solution to this one kiddos. I LOVE to be nagged, I also love to moderate play dates when I’m trying to do my job, SO – please request the presence of a friend at least 3x daily, or I might think that our house and yard full of toys is enough to keep you content and  busy. Also, please pick the friend that lives the farthest away to avoid any attempts at convenience.

4) Fight with each other

There’s nothing worse than peace and quiet on a summer afternoon so for the love of all that’s holy, PLEASE BICKER ON A REGULAR BASIS. If you need tips on how to get a row started, let me know. If you don’t give me a fight to break up I’m going to a) get super bored and b) have really low blood pressure and c) be extra-productive at work and possibly break the internet so – start being jerks to each other, STAT!

5) Say you’re bored

This just in: I LIVE TO ENTERTAIN. And since we’ve already established that I have nothing better to do, y’all need to keep me hopping by claiming  boredom so I can come up with a huge list of activities to combat that. BONUS POINTS if you reject ALL my ideas and go back to doing what you were doing before you claimed boredom.

Are you ready for some FUN, kids? I’m sorry I wasted 3 weeks of summer before coming up with these,  but we’ve still got 56 more days to rock these five steps out to the MAXIMUM! Don’t let me down!

Love,

Mom

 

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