Replacing My Hormones

In this week’s installment of Emily’s Adventures Through Menopause…

I’ve started hormone replacement therapy (HRT).

And I will tell you more at some point but right now I’m going to interrupt the regularly scheduled boring post because OMG you guys, in an effort to add some pizzazz to my drivel I just did a google image search for menopause, and I must share the results. Because I am scarred for life and I want you to be too.

Let’s start by looking at the symptoms of menopause, so we know how to interpret the rest of the pictures.

So, to recap, anything you can dream up? Probably a symptom of menopause. (Also, electric shocks? Burning tongue? W. T. F.) (My god, changes in odor?!? This just keeps getting worse.)

Now for the first picture. I’m gonna assume she’s experiencing incontinence, bloating, and/or panic disorder. Probably all three.

Picture two, which I like to call “Watch Out, Menfolk.”

Picture three. I just don’t even have anything to say about this one.

Picture four. “I am devastated. I am experiencing loss of libido and vaginal dryness. But fortunately I have a supportive partner who likes to lounge around in all white clothing to support me.”

“Unstoppable desire to rip off ones clothes” and “Inhuman skin color” must be symptoms 35 and 36.

There’s this.

And then there’s this.

HILARIOUS. I’m ordering t-shirts with both of those images on them – let me know if you want one as well. (Where is the sarcasm font when I need it?)

Nearly every other picture was of a woman holding her head. I am not even joking. Either debilitating migraines are in my future or the menopause people and the headache people got a two-for-one deal with the stock photo people.

And I had to save the best for last.