Welcome to another edition of Jenny’s Life Klass! If you’ve missed our past installments, let me catch you up. Basically, how this works is: I tell you what to do, and you do it. All clear? K, let’s jump in! Today I’m going to tell you what kind of clothes NOT to put on your precious little daughter.
You see folks, Valentine’s Day is in the bag, which means Easter bunnies and swimsuits have invaded all the department stores. And along with that comes a bevy of special-occasion dress choices for your little girl.
Now if you’ve got a little girl, you may have noticed that, as Emily so brilliantly articulated awhile back, it has become difficult to find clothes for a six-year-old that don’t make her look like a streetwalker.
Granted, there are a few good choices still out there. But they are usually side by side with a more sluterrific choice. Exhibit A, from a national department store we all have in our communities:
Moms and Dads, I’m not asking much of you here today. Only that you dress your daughter in age-appropriate clothing. Just because they sell it, and just because it’s attractive (because it may be!), doesn’t mean your kindergartener should be wearing it.
Check out this little number. It’s totally cute. For an older teenager. But it’s available in girls’ sizes 4-16! The website description says: “She’ll turn heads in a darling zebra-print chiffon dress with fit-and-flare styling and a one-shoulder look. Pink sequins at the waist add a fun pop of color.”
Um. Uhh. My daughter is 6. And she is a very pretty little girl. She does not need to be TURNING HEADS in a one-shoulder zebra-and-sequin number. Because she’s a little girl. Who should be wearing corduroy and smocked cotton instead of sequined chiffon.
Stupid dress designers. Trying to make my little girl se*xy.
Call me crazy, but it really burns my biscuits! Why is this:
Even available to purchase for girls under age 13?
If you have purchased any of this type dress for your elementary-aged daughter, here is your homework:
1) Take the dress back or throw it away. DO NOT give it away to another underage child!
2) Cancel your daughter’s spray tan appointment.
3) Take out her tongue ring.
4) Buy the child something with smocking and a big satin sash.
Ready, my friends? Go forth and dress your child in age-appropriate clothing! Buy dresses with not one but TWO shoulders! And cherish the innocence of your little girl while she’s got it. Don’t do anything to speed up its loss. Even if you get a really lucrative offer from a reality TV show.
Because once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.