Agree to Disagree

Many moons ago, when we were giggly teenagers, Emily and I went to see one of the best movies ever made, Happy Gilmore, in the theater together.  And we LOVED it.  (Side note, Bobby and I saw it together six times in the theater. We really LOVED IT!)  So Emily and I have spent the last *cough* 15ish years quoting that movie together.  Which is kind of sad (but hilarious).  What is sadder, however, is that Emily then immediately lost her sense of humor and gained the light-hearted spirit of an 80-year-old nun.

We went to see Austin Powers and she didn’t think it was funny. Seriously? “WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR??”  That is funny crap! (Pun intended.)

Fast-forward to more recent times.  I now have two new favorite movies that I quote and refer to endlessly.  Chances are, if you haven’t seen them, you might not be able to make it through a conversation with me.  They are (take notes here, people, and whatever you do, DON’T JUDGE ME!): Anchorman starring the irascible Will Ferrell and Hot Rod starring that young scamp Andy Samberg, both of SNL fame.  These are quite possibly the two greatest movies EVER made.

And Emily has never made it through either one.  Despite my urgings.  She turned Hot Rod off after 15 minutes because it was “dumb” even though I really wanted her to watch it because it has an ENTIRE scene devoted to the use of the phrase “cool beans” and Emily and I have been saying “cool beans” to each other for MAYBE OUR ENTIRE LIVES.  But she didn’t even TRY to skip to the “cool beans” part, she just TURNED IT OFF.  Not that you would want to skip, because it’s THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!  What is not to like about a college-age slacker who does stunts on a moped and his group of weirdo friends?  Nothing!!! There is NOTHING to not like!!

And Anchorman?  Which she has seen “parts” of, but you know, had to clean her toilet, or fell asleep, or PICK OUT HER GRAY HAIRS instead of finishing?  I can’t even COUNT the endless amount of hilarious quotes from this movie.  Such as, if you’re not familiar:

• “Hey EVERYONE! Come see how good I look!”  (I use that one a lot.)
• “You smell like a turd covered in burnt hair!”
• “60% of the time, it works every time.”

Oh, Emily.  My heart bleeds for you.

I have told Emily that all I want for my birthday (I’m giving her 5 months to plan) is for her to sit down with me and watch both movies from start to finish.  That’s ALL I WANT!

But alas, even if she delivers, and even if I ply her with exotic drinks, I am afraid our opinions on the subject will best be described in the scene from Anchorman when Ron Burgundy is showing his new co-worker and love interest Veronica Corningstone the beautiful city of San Diego.  He explains to her that “San Diego” is Spanish for “a whale’s vag*ina”.  She insists she’s pretty sure it actually means, “Saint Diego”.

So Emmy, you say “old holy man” and I say “Shamu’s lady parts”.

Agree to disagree.

But you’re still watching both movies with me!