Posted on by Emily

Just Another Moron Monday

So I know I’ve complained before about how insane Mondays are, but… here I go again.

I cannot – cannot – manage to get out of the house on time in the mornings. Yes, part of my issues would be resolved if I abandoned the snooze button, but some of it is not my fault! I swear, the universe conspires against me. The most random and annoying things happen to me in the morning.

Don’t believe me?

Take a look at how this morning started off.

What is that, you ask? It is the vent cover from my kitchen floor, stuck to the heel of my shoe. Or, I suppose, it originated with the heel of my shoe getting caught in the vent cover, but when I lifted my foot the vent came with it.

It was nearly impossible to get out, which cost me time and also left a big scratch on my new Tom Madden heels.

Yay.

THEN, as if I wasn’t running late enough, I get in my car and am greeted with this.

Although I really can’t say this issue delayed me any because even though my car was CLEARLY out of gas and even though my commute is 30+ miles AND even though I travel with a three year old in tow, I decided to take my chances.

I coasted into the office on fumes, but I made it.

However, not five seconds after walking in the door, I tripped over my own feet and somehow this was the result.

Not only did I use the heel of my shoe to rip a giant hole in my tights, I managed to cut my leg. So, I showed up to a staff meeting in bare legs (in January, may I remind you) BLEEDING. (Thank you Baby Jesus that I had shaved my legs on Saturday. Yes that was 48 hours prior but that is better than 48 days, which is an entirely possible scenario.)

So, let’s review the take-aways from this story.

I should:
A) Never pack my lunch for work, because when I do, I step backwards from the refrigerator and get my heel caught in the vent;
B) Never where four-inch heels;
C) Disregard the gas light warning, because clearly it doesn’t really mean empty;
D) Make it a policy to shave at least once a week, on the off chance I have to throw away my tights;
E) Realize that D is highly unlikely and just wear pants at all times.

At least it was a learning experience.

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13 Replies to “Just Another Moron Monday”

  1. Wow. You are turning into ME. Turning the daily activities of life into an opportunity to injure and humiliate yourself on a daily basis. Congratulations, and I’m sorry! And also? We need to turn Moron Monday into a carnival! It could be about whatever moronic thing occurred at any point during the week, we just post it on Mondays. I think it could work!

  2. I could see myself doing all of those things (including the possiblity that it had been 48 days since I shaved).

    I once bumped my tray in the company cafeteria and sent a china plate and a grilled cheese flying through the air. Someone called my boss (as a joke) and said his budget had to pay for the shattered plate.

    I have many more of these. I’m inspired for a blog post!

  5. So funny to read about, although not fun to live through. The only thing that’s missing is having infant spit up on your outfit, and not noticing it until you get to work and are sitting in an important meeting. :/ Better luck next week!

  7. … or keep a spare pair of tights at work in the desk drawer? I don’t have a pair, because I can’t remember the last time I wore tights. I opt for the pants. Mainly because of the 48 day reason.

  9. Well clearly, we must be related…b/c random off the wall things happen to me like this too! Especially on mornings I am running short on time. Seems like I can’t ever catch a break! And it makes me so darn mad when this crap happens! LOL. I would never make it to work if I had to take the kids to daycare!

  10. Did you write this on Monday, too? Because it’s so uncharacteristic of you to write “where” for “wear”, so of course, I just had to point it out. I’m sure you’ll return the favor! 🙂

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