Yesterday an unhappy scene unfolded on the sidewalk in front of my house.  I was very, very, SLOWLY backing my car out of the driveway.  I was driving Bobby’s car which has a big ol’ back end, and so I was being extra-cautious. I live on a really busy street so here’s how you back out.

1) Very very slowly inch your way to the edge of the driveway so you can see on to the sidewalk

2) Very very slowly inch out a bit more so you can see on to the street

3) Wait forever until traffic is clear so you can go

I’ve lived here nine years and never had an incident. Why?  Because I am very, very CAREFUL.

Ok, so yesterday as I was in the *middle* of step 1, with my back tires barely even out to the sidewalk, I hear a scream. So I slam on the brakes, and see a lady whiz behind me on a bike. ON THE SIDEWALK.

I roll down my window.

Me: Are you ok?

Lady on Bike: YOU ALMOST HIT ME!

Me: Uh, I’m sorry, I was backing out very slowly. I can’t see until I get to a certain point.

Lady on Bike: YOU GOTTA LOOK! It would have been YOUR FAULT.

I could see I wasn’t going to get anywhere, so I rolled up my window, put the car back in reverse, and continued backing out of the driveway.  And there was NO TRAFFIC so I got out of the driveway right away. Which means she could have been and should have been riding on the road LIKE THE LAW SAYS.

Here’s how the conversation SHOULD have gone:

Me: Are you ok?

Lady on Bike: YOU ALMOST HIT ME!

Me: I think you mean that YOU almost hit ME.  But whatever,  I was backing out very slowly. I can’t see until I get to a certain point.

Lady on Bike: YOU GOTTA LOOK! It would have been YOUR FAULT.

Me: Really? Well, maybe if you were a pedestrian, but last time I checked it’s illegal to ride your bike on a sidewalk, so…and also, as I mentioned, I can’t SEE until I back out further than I already was. So I couldn’t SEE you. But you could SEE ME.  And also?  If you’re going to be STUPID and ride your bike REALLY FAST down a SIDEWALK, maybe you should wear a helmet. JUST AN IDEA.

And also, I’ve lived here 9 years and never even had ONE near-miss with a pedestrian or illegal bike rider. How many have you had?

GAH!!!!!!!!!!

Anyhoo, bike rider lady thoroughly irritated me and I couldn’t shake her yelling at me all day.  I know she was scared, but really, if you’re going to be stupid, prepare for a few bumps and bruises along the way.

And don’t YELL AT ME!

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Friday afternoon I took my kids to the play place at a local mall. They had a great time, running off some energy and playing with other kids. But about 30 minutes into our visit, I noticed a little boy playing there, who looked to be about four years old, was wearing a t-shirt that said, in large letters, “No, YOU F***ing Calm Down!” Except it said the actual word, with no lovely asterisks, but with a real u-c-k.

Seriously.

I am guessing that by dressing their child this way, his parents, (who looked like BonQuiQui Barbie and Tupac Ken) were hoping to get a reaction of some sort out of someone. Fortunately, I am not dumb enough to confront two tough-looking strangers at the mall play place, so I kept my reaction silent.

Until now. An open letter.

Dear Parents of the Boy with the “F” Word T-shirt at the Mall Play Place,

What is WRONG with you? Perhaps it is a point of pride with you that your four-year-old’s lexicon (look it up) includes the “F” word, and that his clothing gave the proverbial middle finger to everyone who laid eyes on him. I don’t know. But it made me want to vomit. And I am so, so thankful that my six-year-old, who can read (bigger words than that even, try not to feel intimidated) didn’t see L’il Expletive (again, look it up) rockin’ the F-bomb shirt. Because, really, “Mommy, what does f***ing mean?” is not what I want to hear out of MY child’s mouth.

You made me really mad by bringing your son to the mall with that shirt on. But I got over being mad, and was just thankful that my son was oblivious. Then after FLEEING the play place (thanks for that), I just felt really, really sad. Sad for your son, because I am guessing if that’s what you clothe him with, that you’ve instilled an “f-you” attitude in him as well. Perhaps he thinks already, at his young age, that the world owes him something (everything?). I gotta tell you, this isn’t going to serve him well. Not in kindergarten, not in school, work, family relationships, friendships – not anywhere. You’re setting your son up for failure. And he deserves more than that. He’s a child. Don’t give him the adult responsibilities that come with wearing that word on his chest.

And also? Pick another play place.

And also? Don’t cut me.

Love,

Jenny