OR A Failed Trip to Target and Other Tragedies

Last week Tosh, our great friend and a trusted babysitter turned 18, and we were very excited about being invited to her party. So…the day of the party, the kids and I went to Target to get Tosh a present. I only had thirty minutes to shop before I needed to be at my grandma’s house for lunch, so I had a mapped-out shopping plan in place. After I looked for the intended present for about five minutes, Sophie grew fussy and Joshua announced he had to go potty. I raced the cart from mid-store up to the restrooms at warp speed, and got the kids out and into the restroom. Sophie was elated to get out of the cart, but not so thrilled when I sat her down on the floor (I know, eew!) to hold Joshua onto the potty. (After this experience, I made it a point to teach him to pee standing up. DUH. Add this to the “Things that would’ve been helpful to do yesterday” list.) Sophie screamed while Joshua peed, and by the time he was done she was hysterical. Despite some helpful comments from the woman in the stall next to us (for the record, I do NOT want to talk to you while you are peeing, or my kids are peeing, or I am peeing. So just sit there and pee and mind your beeswax, mmmkay???), I shelved the shopping trip and we headed to the car so I could nurse her. We would just have to go to Target after lunch at Grandma’s.

That would’ve worked out perfectly if I hadn’t taken Joshua potty right before we left Grandma’s. But I did take him, and I did a very poor job of positioning him on the potty. So instead of in the toilet, his pee-pee went all over the back of his shorts and onto the floor of my grandma’s bathroom. Of course, I had no extra clothes for him, so he had to ride home in just his (damp) underwear and t-shirt. And last time I checked, it wasn’t kosher to take your kid to Target in just his (recently peed on) skivvies. So…no Target!!! Waaah! And no present for Tosh, unless I wanted to sacrifice my kids’ naps that afternoon. Which I did not.

That night, Bobby, the kids and I went presentless to the party. Tosh didn’t care about the presentless part, and we had a great time. One of her cousins was there and had kids just Joshua and Sophie’s age, and the kids were playing while Tosh opened presents from the less shopping-challenged guests. Joshua was kind of playing and eating at the same time, and I was watching him like a hawk because he sometimes has a problem chewing his food well enough. Sure enough, he started to gag, and I yelled, “Bobby!” to get my husband’s attention, and motioned for him to hold his plate under Joshua in case he ralphed. Happily, it was a false alarm and the kids continued playing. Whew! Joshua and the other little guy continued jumping up and down while the babies played on the floor. Then out of the blue, with no gagging sounds whatsoever, Joshua projectile puked! It shot straight out and landed mostly on the floor, but some also splashed on Sophie’s head and hand!!! EEEEWWW!!!!

Joshua calmly surveyed his work, looked me in the face and said, “Can I still have birthday cake?”

The other mom grabbed her kiddos while Bobby and I scrambled to clean a) our daughter and b) our friend’s carpet, all the while trying to convince the other mom that Joshua did not have the plague, just an overactive gag reflex. Much to my embarrassment, this interrupted the present opening, but the guest of honor handled it really well. After all, it’s not really a party until someone pukes (on their sister), right??

And yes, I did let him have birthday cake.