Oh, What a Night

Last night Bobby went to a concert with some friends and was planning to be out late, so I decided to take the kids to the park and out for ice cream. Sophie was none too pleased to leave the park and was still fussing when we got to Baskin Robbins. She even fussed when I tried to give her a bite of her chocolate ice cream – for some reason she didn’t like the looks of it. (I told you, she is CRAZY!) So, I did what any good mom would do and I SHOVED a bite in her mouth. After which, she decided chocolate ice cream is good, and she happily ate about 1/2 of the kids’ cup I’d gotten for her.

Fast-forward to 2:37 a.m when I hear Sophie crying loudly over the baby monitor. I take Ambien to help me sleep, and since at this point I’d only had about 4.5 hours of sleep as opposed to the eight you are supposed to be able to “devote yourself to” with Ambien, I was a LITTLE out of it. I stumbled to Sophie’s room and could smell the tell-tale stench of PUKE before I even opened the door. But once inside, I could not figure out how to turn on her light. I was just too out of it. Fortunately Bobby came in the room just then and turned it on, having his wits about him. It was then that we saw our little girl covered in chocolate ice cream puke.

It was not pretty. That, combine with Ambien dizziness and the smell, sent me running to bow to the Porcelain God myself. So. That was awesome. Bobby, who is Superman, sent me back to bed and gave Sophie a bath and cleaned up all the mess himself.

This morning, Sophie seems totally fine. Bobby said she was fine in the middle of the night, too. No fever, super-cheerful, etc. So, I am going to have to blame this one on myself. As Emily said when I told her about last night’s events, “That’s what you get for shoving ice cream in her mouth, MOM.”

Lesson learned!

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It’s Not a Party Until Somebody Pukes…

…and that somebody is nearly always my son Joshua, he of the overactive gag reflex. Joshua has puked many, many places, including my car, the mall playplace, a playdate, and my babysitter’s 18th birthday party. Yesterday, he added my brother’s house to the list as he brought the fun to our family’s Memorial Day party. But this time, it was my fault! You see, I decided to let him be a big kid and drink pop like his cousins. So, I gave him a big plastic cup half-full with a mixture of Big Red and Sierra Mist. Joshua rarely ever gets to drink pop (even though I drink it like it’s my JOB – bad Mommy!). Soooo rarely, in fact, that I’d forgotten that the last time I let him be a big kid and drink pop, he threw up. Whoops!

So. A few minutes into lunch, when he came and laid on the couch and said his stomach hurt, I went on high alert. “Sit up, Buddy,” I commanded, “You cannot throw up on Aunt Sarah’s nice couch!”

“I do have to choke,” he said solemnly. (He calls throwing up “choking”.) I grabbed him and ran at super-human speed for the bathroom, where Joshua proceeded to hurl his entire lunch and plastic cup full of Big Red & Sierra Mist into my brother’s toilet. After he was done, he looked up at me, overwhlemed and teary-eyed, but relieved. Poor baby!

Then, suddenly, he made and ungodly sound and puked all over my right foot. Missed the toilet by a mile. And of course I was wearing my Trello sandals. So, open-toed shoes with square holes all over them = a very pukey foot – one that will serve as a nasty reminder next time I think about letting him drink pop!!

Oh, Joshupants, thanks for making our family get-together a real party! Since it was clear at that point that your uncles weren’t going to take their shirts off and shoot at each other in the front yard, we definitely needed some excitement!

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“Playdate” Is a Relative Term

My kids and I love to go on playdates or host playdates with other moms and kids. As a matter of fact, every day Joshua asks me “Who’s coming over?” If I answer in the negative, he quickly follows up with “Where’re we going? If I again answer in the negative, great sadness ensues. He really is a social butterfly, and I guess he gets it from me. I love hanging out with my mom friends and having adult conversation. I also love seeing my kids make friends of their own.

So it was with great excitement last Thursday that we drove over to my friend Andrea’s house. Her son Mitchell is 2 1/2 and he and Joshua get along great. Mitchell is a really good talker and reminds me alot of where Joshua was verbally when he was his age. So they can communicate pretty well and it is cute to watch them interact! However, there was not much interacting going on once Joshua discovered some of Mitchell’s new Christmas toys. This was the first time we’d been to their house since Christmas and Joshua quickly became zombified playing with Mitchell’s new multi-level car race track thingy. His social skills flew right out the window as he concentrated on watching the cars go around and around. Andrea and I were sitting in the kitchen (she was making us pancakes for dinner! Yum!) when Joshua yelled in a panicked voice.”Mommy!! I accidentally went pee-pee!”

I jumped up from the kitchen table and ran over and sure enough, he’d gotten so wrapped up in playing with the race track that he wet himself. His pants were soaked and there was a spot on Andrea’s carpet. I was mortified! I honestly can’t remember the last time Joshua had a pee-pee accident and I’d stopped carrying around extra clothes for him months ago. After properly shaming Joshua like any good mother would do, and apologizing to Andrea repeatedly, we borrowed a pair of pants from Mitchell and Joshua went commando. After I got him changed I asked Andrea for something I could use to clean the carpet. “Oh, I already got it.” she responded. Did I mention that Andrea is pregnant? There’s nothing like the guilt that comes from your pregnant friend having to get down on her hands and knees to clean your kid’s pee off her carpet!

The kids went back to playing (Sophie fortunately was being much easier to handle than usual!) and soon the pancakes were ready so we all sat down to eat. They were sooo good! Joshua ate two as fast as he could so he could get back to the blessed race track. Andrea and I each had two and decided we’d like another (she’s pregnant, I have no excuse! I’m just a glutton!) so she got up to make some more. Meanwhile Sophie and Mitchell had finished and went back to playing. I was sitting on the kitchen floor with Sophie when Joshua tore himself away from the toys and came to sit on my lap. “My tummy hurts!” he complained. I have honestly never known Joshua to complain of a tummy ache before (he’s more of a gagger) so I was a little concerned. “Did you eat too fast?” I said? “I think so!” he groaned

I took he and Sophie into the next room to be closer to the bathroom. At this point he was in tears holding his stomach and I was really worried. I thought he felt warm so I set him down and got up to ask Andrea for a thermometer.

Which is when he started puking.

I let out a little yelp and grabbed him to make a run for the bathroom, but I immediately tripped over Andrea’s dog, Joey! So I think I screamed again, but somehow I managed to keep myself and the still-hurling Joshua from falling flat on our faces. We finally made it to the bathroom but it was pretty much too late; by the time I got the toilet seat raised he was done puking. SO he got puke on the living room floor, on the DOG, in the hallway, on the bathroom floor, on TOP of the toilet seat, on my pants and sweater, and on his shirt and Mitchell’s pants, but not actually in the toilet.

A vision of Sophie walking through puke popped into my head so I went to grab her and pulled her into the bathroom with us. Meanwhile Andrea, the pregnant woman, was now down on her hands and knees scrubbing my kid’s puke off her carpet. I wanted to die! She was also trying to keep Mitchell and the dog out of it just as I was trying to keep Sophie out of it. There was a lot of yelling going on “Sophie, stop! Sophie, No! Sophie, stay here!” and apparently Mitchell was doing impressions of me yelling at Sophie the next day to his dad! Oy! The next few minutes were a blur. I know there was a lot of cleaning up of puke and keeping kids and dog out of puke going on but that’s about it!

I quarantined Joshua buck-naked from the waist down in the bathroom and ran out to the car to make sure I didn’t have any extra clothes for him. I didn’t want to have to borrow another pair of Mitchell’s pants! I mean geez I felt we’d done enough. Fortunately I found a pair I’d gotten at a thrift store a few weeks earlier and forgotten about. They were way too big but they’d get him home. I ran in and quickly got the kids ready to go. “You don’t have to leave!” Andrea said kindly. “You can eat your pancake!”

“Somehow I’m just not hungry anymore!” I replied. I just wanted to beat it before Joshua decided to spread excrement all over her house as well. I apologized about 100 times. “Next time you guys come over, just send Mitchell in without a diaper and give him some syrup of ipecac or something and we’ll call it even,” I offered. I seriously was so mortified I could barely look her in the eye!

It was really, really, cold that day, and when we got home, Joshua’s too-big pants fell down as he walked up to our porch. I cracked up at his little white bare buns sticking out from beneath his coat. I was glad to have something to laugh about!

This Saturday we’ve been invited back to Andrea’s for pizza with the whole family. I am so glad she invited us back! I am going to bring 4 changes of clothes for Joshua – I think I am going to make him wear plastic underpants and a bath towel as a bib, just to be safe! Oh and I’m bringing a new bottle of carpet cleaner. Maybe I should just make a “Playdate Emergency HAZMAT Kit” to keep in my car!

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