The bad news is: I’ve got about 20 more to lose, preferably before we go to BlissDom in 4 weeks!

The good news is: my giant sweatpants are now too big and will barely stay up.

The bad news is: I have absolutely no other pants, sweat or otherwise, that DO currently fit.

The good news is: my baby loves to nurse and is good at it.

The bad news is: I now have to breastfeed while playing games with Sophie, getting the big kids a snack, answering the DOOR, and other unspeakable things.

The good news is: I am no longer taking narcotic pain killers.

The bad news is: I am no longer taking narcotic pain killers.

The good news is: Many wonderful friends have been bringing meals to my door for days.

The bad news is: None of it is going to help me lose the aforementioned 20 lbs.

But the really good news, and the bottom line: I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy who is as sweet as sugar and is fitting into our family perfectly.

Nothing can spoil that!

Well, turns out my BP was indeed pretty high.  Not high enough to send me straight to the hospital, but high enough to send me right back to the doctor today instead of next Tuesday.  If it’s still high today, it’s possible I may be having the baby this weekend to avoid any bad news for me and baby if things go longer.

Or, I could be fine, and we could stick with my original c-section date of December 26th.  Which was actually my 2nd date, the first was December 23rd, but then my doctor had to go out of town so it was moved to the 26th.  Which I was majorly bummed about because I actually wanted to have this baby before Christmas even if it meant being in the hospital Christmas Day (we most likely would have come home Christmas Day.)

But anyhoo.  Now I have no idea when baby Jonah will make his debut, and really, when does anyone ever?  My water could break tomorrow and it could be go time regardless!  (Not that I have ever actually, you know, gone into labor or had my water break.  But I don’t put anything past little babies.)

I don’t have a lot of faith in ye olde blood pressure settling down, to be honest.  And, I would really like to have him when my wonderful doctor can deliver him as opposed to when she is out of town next week!  So we’ll see…at least mine and baby’s things are half-packed now…my pajamas have been found and washed, and Emily has sworn to commandeer a helicopter if necessary to get to this birth!

Stay tuned…

Sooo, I’m basically a very rotund lunatic at this point.

What is keeping me up tonight? Well, what GOT me up was the fact that my body will not be comfortable laying down after a few hours.  Sore hips this time.  And  then my brain started contributing to the chaos and now I’m just all worked up!  Which is probably not helping my blood pressure.  Which is part of the reason I’m worried.  It’s a vicious cycle!  Let me slow down here and attempt to make some sense.  I think this calls for a list!

So, with out further adieu, here is what one freaks out about at 3 a.m. when one is 9 months pregnant.  Especially during the fa la la la lalidays.

1) The aforementioned blood pressure.  It has been a little high.  I have a dr.’s appointment in the morning at 9:45 and I am fairly convinced now, at 3:04 a.m., that they are going to send me straight to the hospital to have the baby.

2) If #1 happens, who will pick up Sophie from preschool at noon??? What if I can’t get hold of anyone on my approved pick-up list?  OMG I am going to go put her teacher’s phone number in my phone RIGHT NOW.

3) I haven’t packed a THING for myself or baby for the hospital.

4) Emily got me a really nice pair of nursing PJ’s and I’ve been wearing them already, and they’re wonderful, but they need to be washed.  There are three pieces.  These three pieces are scattered somewhere between my bedroom and bathroom.  I cannot now tell you exactly where they all are.  IF #1 happens, how am I going to get my PJs clean and to the hospital?

5) I have to eat breakfast tomorrow.  Or I might pass out before I get to the dr.’s office.  But usually you aren’t supposed to eat or drink  like 8 hours before surgery so what if #1 happens and I eat, and then something totally gross or awful happens because I did?

6) What if I have to go straight to the hospital and Emily can’t get there?  Oh, the blogging opportunity that will be missed!

7) I need to go to the grocery.  Not enough food in the house for mommy to be away for a couple days.

8 ) My dining room table is a mess and the floor really needs to be swept.

9) The kids are totally not prepared for Bobby and I to be gone for a couple of days, yet.  They are both still in school this week.

10) Not having packed anything for the hospital may result in some very ugly photos being taken of me (hey I am still slightly vain at this point!)

11) Emily and I are supposed to host a Twitter party for our favorite Lands’ End on Wednesday and the world might end if she has to do it alone.

12) And most importantly, who will obsess over the timing and nature of my big kids’ bowel movements while I’m gone??  Nobody can do it like I can…just sayin’…

As you can see, I pretty much need to be institutionalized at the moment.  But I haven’t packed a THING for the looney bin either, so that could result in a whole other list of problems.

I guess I’ll let you know how it all turns out…it has to turn out better than I think it will at 3:21 a.m., right!?

However, there is one advantage to being up at this ungodly hour.  And that is that no one else in my house is up. (ZOMGOSH I just heard Sophie make noise as I wrote this.  She BETTER be talking in her sleep.) And since I’ve been off my feet for a few hours at this point, I can get last night’s domestic failures under control.  You know, clear the dinner dishes, run the dishwasher, look in Joshua’s school folder to make sure nothing urgent needs to be returned tomorrow.

So, I did that.

And then I clicked through a few blogs.  I have been completely out of touch and so busy the past couple of weeks.  The only blogs I have even kind of kept up with are Cortney’s and Uncle Paul’s and that’s really, honestly, just kind-of.  Not to mention my real-world friends, whom I have hardly seen or even had the energy to have a phone conversation with.  I feel like such a loser, that in this season of giving, I don’t have much to give anyone who doesn’t live in my house or in my belly.

The truth is, my kids are demanding.  Sophie would rather play with me than watch a tv show these days, which makes me really, really happy. And tired.  Because she would also rather not play by herself! If I put on Word World or the Cat in the Hat Knows A lot about That, her two favorites, I can usually get in 15 minutes of dishes or laundry or blogging before she comes looking for me with a book in her hand.  And that is good.  It is much easier when Joshua gets home from school and they will entertain each other for awhile.  But by that time, I’m pretty beat.

So, I guess I am preparing to hibernate for the winter!  With a newborn just before the New Year, I doubt I’ll be getting out much.

But hopefully I’ll feel good enough to do dishes at a decent hours.  And maybe talk on the phone once in awhile!

Make no mistake, I am thankful to be pregnant, and I am thankful for my baby boy and what he will mean to our family.

But dudes, I am a real person, and I am real sick of being pregnant.  I’ve had a headache since yonder about 2 a.m. Thursday morning and I’m worried about my blood pressure which is borderline.  (Worrying about your borderline blood pressure does not do much to help it go down, by the way.)  Last night I had to leave Joshua’s Christmas program early because the whole right side of my body was numb, the seats being so uncomfortable for my grotesque proportions that every way I tried to sit was painful.  I was watching my fingers get fatter, I was having hard Braxton-Hicks, and it was just very unsettling. So I felt like Mother of the Year.  He was SO excited about the program.  Daddy and Grandma stayed to watch, and Sophie and I headed home so I could get in bed (where she obliged me with some very nice snuggles!)

Up til this week I have actually been sleeping pretty well, not just for a pregnant person, but for ME in general.  But this week I have slept very poorly, waking every couple of hours with sore hips and a sore belly, trying to rearrange my five pillows around me so that I can get comfortable enough to go back to sleep for a few.  I. am. tired.

Of course, because of my discomfort, I am jonesing to be un-pregnant.  But there’s always a paradox.  I also don’t want Jonah to come early.  Not just because we still have a few things to do to get ready for him, but because I want him to cook as long as he needs to.  I’ll be having a c-section a few days before my “official” due date, and I want him to be as healthy and strong as possible.

So anyways.  I think it’s time to tuck in and hibernate as much as possible.  That’s what Mama Bears do when it gets cold, right?   ‘Cause man it got cold this week!  And my extra layer of fat is NOT keeping me warm!  Just grumpy.

But anyways, when I say “kind enough”, I mean kind in a Cortney-and-Emily way, which includes, of course, making fun of me.

Luckily for them, I made it REALLY easy.

APPARENTLY, I’ve been a *wee* bit obsessed with food and hunger during this pregnancy!  Which I didn’t fully realize until I walked into my baby shower and Em & Cort had printed out and posted ALL my tweets about FOOD for the past few months!  Like THESE beauties:

They even got our local favorite pizza empire, Cassano’s Pizza in on the deal – they brought one of my major cravings this time around  - Cassano’s Spaghetti and Meatballs!! YUM!

Cortney also made the most FABULOUS cake, inspired by one of my tweets about HO-HO’s of all things!! It was soooo gooood.   It had a Ho-Ho layer, a layer with mocha icing, and a layer with cupcakes with peanut-butter buttercream icing.  ZOWIE! I did have one of all three layers, thankyouverymuch. And ice cream. Served with my FAVE Hershey’s syrup!!

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, my BFF Lulee made some GORGEOUS and delicious baby boy Lulee’s Lollies!

So, the food was a prego’s dream!  But the company was even better!  I had a wonderful group of women surrounding me and blessing me with gifts for my little boy.

Thanks girls, for blessing me and my family!  And for, as always, putting me in my place.  :) I love you!

30 days.

In 30 days I will go from two kids to three. I will have an almost-7-year old, a 4-year-old, and a newborn.

I know it, but I can’t really comprehend it.  On the outside we’re ready; crib, diapers, clothes, car seat – all ready.

But on the inside?  I don’t know.  I’m fairly terrified.  I’m so excited to meet my baby, and so TIRED of being uncomfortably pregnant, but I’m scared.  There’s so much I don’t remember about having a baby.  I have two children who already need, need, NEED me.  How can there be anything left?  Who will meet their needs when I am constantly breastfeeding for the next zillion months?  Will they resent the baby?  Will they resent me for spending so much of my energy on him?  Will they understand that I love them as much as ever?

It wasn’t that hard for Joshua to accept Sophie into our family.  But for Sophie, I think it’s going to be much more difficult to accept Jonah.  She’s been the baby for four years.  And I’m still not convinced she “gets” it – I don’t think she will get it until we bring him home.

Transition scares the pants off me.

But, it’s coming.  Like a freight train with failed brakes!  Jonah has already made his way into our hearts and soon he will be in our HOME.

I just hope I live to blog about it!

YOU do?  Well, ok.  I’ll oblige.

This weekend I was besieged and I do mean BESIEGED by Braxton-Hicks contractions.  I had some with Sophie, and they were uncomfortable, but these have been something different.  I feel like I am being strangled from the stomach up!  They stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away all weekend.  And even though they aren’t painful per se, they still cause me to grab ahold of whatever nearest steady object I can or not be able to stand up straight.

Saturday night I was at my parents’ with my whole family.  I am pretty sure both of my grandmothers were about to look up my OB-GYN’s number in the phone book, so obvious was my discomfort.  By about 8 pm, even I was a little worried!  But I went to bed, was able to fall asleep, and everything was fine.  Sunday went pretty well, too, although after a triple-dip to Rite Aid, CVS, and Kroger my waddle was in full effect.  But about 4 pm, the B-H contractions started up again and things got pretty uncomfortable again for the night.  I sat down as much as I could (if only my children weren’t so darn NEEDY I could put my feet up ALL THE TIME!) but once again I was DONE being upright by about eight.

Umm…listen Braxton-Hicks, we need to talk.  I’ve got 6 more weeks of preschool runs, grocery shopping, the occasional party, and life in general to live!  You need to CEASE AND DESIST.

So who has the solution for me?  So far all I’ve heard is drink lots of water, which I’ve started doing.  Although I must say the B-H and the water combined are making for some fabulous near-incontinence.  Any other advice?  I need to curb these babies as much as I can for the next few weeks!

As a follow-up, we appeared LIVE on the station’s morning show yesterday. Now THAT was nerve-wracking.  I was very nervous about how FREAKING HUGE I am.  You know, the camera adding 10 pounds and all!

When it was time for us to go into the studio, the morning show producer walked us down a long hall and through a maze of rooms and cubicles.  I was walking in front of Emily.

When we got into the studio, she gave me a little pep talk.

If pep talks are supposed to make you want to jump off a bridge.

“Cousin,” she said sincerely, “I love you.  But you WADDLE.”

And then we went on live TV.  At least I didn’t have to waddle on-camera.  I was seated the whole time, so it was more of a beached whale-effect!

But let me tell you about the reality that is too crazy for TV!  Probably because it would make MTV’s audiences scream and run away in terror.  Or make people stop procreating altogether.

33 and pregnant, baby.  I am keeping it REAL.

Real grumpy. Real fat.  Real hairy-legged.  Real WHINY.

When I had Joshua I was 26.  Now I feel like I have aged about 70 years instead of 7!  My feet are killing me, my BELLY hurts, I think I pulled a non-existent stomach muscle hauling Sophie out of the pumpkin patch yesterday, I can neither sit, stand, nor lie down comfortably and oh, the peeing!  The near incontinence!  It’s purty sexy.

It doesn’t help that Jonah is apparently the reincarnation of the dancing baby from Ally McBeal.  He is all party, all the time!  And he is ripping up my insides!

So that’s the reality.  MTV ain’t ready for this jelly!  I’m sure I’d get cancelled after one episode.  Like this morning’s episode, where I decided to remove my month-old leg hair with VEET instead of a razor because SURELY it would be easier, less bloody, and quicker.   Well.  It WAS less bloody.  And my leg hair is GONE!  But burning the hair off your legs is no easier than slicing it off when you’re a gazillion months pregnant, unfortunately.   Unless it’s just me!  Oh, but potential viewers, you’ll never know!  And you’re probably better off that way!

One episode that IS a tragedy to be missed – even though there aren’t any profanity-laden fights with either my parental figures or my baby daddy in store, is the Grande Finale when Emily ties my tubes in the operating room after I give birth!  That is going to be EPIC!

You’ll just have to settle for the blogged version!