So the other day after I was trying to close the door of Bobby’s car with my foot (because you know, my arms were completely full of all the Stuff Moms Have to Carry in From the Car All the Time – you know, that STUFF?) and somehow banged my knee really hard on the corner of the door, and screamed and cursed because it hurt SO BAD (and yes it did bruise within 5 minutes), I came into the house ranting and raving about how sometimes I just freaking HATE being me.

{sidebar, was that not the LONGEST run-on sentence/paragraph EVAH? I know you loved it, Berry.}

Like last week’s attempt to make coffee that failed thrice, many things I do or don’t do, or can’t do, make me crraaazy.  Like two days later I banged my other knee on something else and got a matching bruise, but now I can’t even remember what that something else was, which also makes me craaaazy. I JUST.WANT.TO REMEMBER THINGS.  And also not bruise myself all the time.

For the past couple days, I haven’t been able to get this Pink song out of my head…

I’m a hazard to myself

Don’t let me get me

I’m my own worst enemy

It’s bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating

Don’t wanna be my friend no more

I wanna be somebody else

More often than not, I find myself in a state of annoyance…with myself.

Good times.  Anyone else?

So, remember the FUN ROOM? Well, it is at the back of our house, adjacent to the screen door than leads out to our deck. And earlier this week I noticed that a very industrious spider had built a beautiful, giant web in between the screen and the glass. It was pretty impressive, but I didn’t see said hard-working spider until later.

And when I did see it, I screamed bloody murder and jumped back four feet, even though I was inside the house and it was out. Because THIS is my newest tenant:

(Sorry, due to the fact that it’s sitting on it’s web on clear glass, I cannot seem to get my camera to focus on it. And if I get too close, it moves and when it moves I WET MY PANTS IN FEAR BECAUSE OH EM GEE IT’S FRICKING HUGE AND TERRIFYING!)

It’s big fat body that you see there, is about the size of my thumb. Ugh. I just shivered in fear while I was typing that.

So what is this thing?  A heartless human-killer, or just the kind that kills other icky bugs that I should welcome to my window, or is it the kind you put a leash on and take for a walk around the block?

I wish it was the kind that LIVED SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Cause it is freaking this little wimpy girl OUT fer realz.  Who wants to come over and capture it for me??

It was a Wednesday, much like today.  Two weeks ago today, in fact.  It was Joshua’s first full day of summer break, and we were headed to the crazy pool to celebrate.  We had my niece Murrin, who is 13, with us, so that she could help me with the kids, because as I have mentioned, the pool is CRAZY.

But anyhoo, it was REALLY hot.  And my new van wasn’t shifting right.  It’s an automatic transmission, and it was having a lot of trouble shifting. This wasn’t too surprising, because it had been giving me a wee bit of trouble previously, but my hubby the mechanic did a transmission flush and ran some conditioner through it or some crap like that, and it had been a bit better. (Though not totally.)

We went to the pool, Murrin was a huge help, we went home, and then we took Murrin home.  She lives about 20 minutes away, and the van actually ran a bit better on the way to her house.

But on the way home? It hardly ran at all.  I barely made it.  I had to put my flashers on a couple times.  Every time I hit a stoplight, I was afraid it wouldn’t go again when the light turned green.  The last block to my house, the transmission was making both a really loud revving “I won’t shift” noise and a terrible high-pitched squeal. AND it smelled AWFUL.

Did I mention this was the FIRST DAY of summer break?  And I had been dying to get a van before summer break?  And was so excited that I got it 8 weeks before? Plenty of time!

Oh, the irony. (Makes me want to slit my wrists.)

Luckily, we still had my old car, so I was able to get the kids to meet my mother-in-law for dinner before Sophie’s gymnastics class.  Bobby met us also, and was going to drive his mom and the boys over to watch Sophie – she and I planned to leave a few minutes early while they finished up dinner.

So, Sophie and I headed out to get in my old car.  Which I had just driven there.

Which WOULD NOT EVEN TURN OVER when I put the key in.

Clearly, I am the problem.  I killed two cars in one day! One that we’d only had for 8 weeks and one that I’d happily driven for 8 years.

It’s a good thing I’m married to a mechanic!  Maybe not so good for him, though!

The problem with my old car was merely the battery, sadly my van needs a new transmission – which is on order.  I’ve been hauling the kids around in Bobby’s station wagon for our two weeks of summer, and I haven’t killed it yet!  We’ll see what I can accomplish before I get my van back next week.  Watch out, Camry Station Wagon!  I’m a KILLA!