It is late, and I am tired.  And discouraged. And I kind of hate myself.

As I write this, it is Tuesday.  The day I published this post.  About the wonder of motherhood.

And of course it was a terrible day with my kids.

The morning was more potty training, a very cranky Sophie, some missed opportunities by me to teach her.  Discouragement.  At one point I yelled at her so loud to be heard over her yelling that pain instantly shot through my throat and instead of scolding her, I launched into a coughing fit.

In the afternoon I had made arrangements for Joshua to have a fun time with his Aunt Bethie and cousin James.  Special for Joshua, who has basically been prisoner in this house the past ten days due to potty training.  And I needed to have some alone time with Sophie do work on potty.  Because some of the missed opportunities I have with her, are because I am tending to my other child.

But not much was accomplished during our time together.  Then finally at 3, I put her down for a nap, because she was exhausted and cranky and I needed a break.  She went right to sleep. PERHAPS because she had gotten up at 6 am with wet pants.  She used to sleep til 7:30 before potty hell began.

Then my nephew James came home with Joshua. MORE special fun for Joshua.  He was thrilled.

Until James left and daddy wasn’t coming home before bedtime because he had to fix his car, and then he threw a huge crying fit, and I lost it. And of course right before this, Sophie peed her pants.  Good times.

I marched him up to bed.  I threatened him.  He calmed down.  I read him his chapter of Chronicles of Narnia and I cried the whole time.  He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was sad because he had thrown a fit, and Sophie had peed her pants.  Then I finished reading and cried some more.  Then when it was time to pray, and I asked him what he was thankful for, he said, “Daddy, James, and Lucas.”  His dad, his cousin, his friend.  That’s it.

I tucked him in and went to get Sophie for bed.  She was less than cooperative.  I let her nap too long and now she’s up in her room running around at 10 pm and I’m starving because I haven’t been to the grocery because I’ve been chained to this house POTTY TRAINING and there’s not much to eat and I’m not going to cook a meal for myself at 10 pm especially when there is no husband to help me eat it.

I would like, for a week, for someone competent to come in and take over my life,  put it in order for me, and then I’ll come back, and maybe by some miracle, someone will have missed me.

But at this point, vacation and appreciation seem pretty far off.