For the past few months I’ve been sharing on and off with you about my struggles with depression and anxiety. And I am happy to say, after months of tweaking meds and what-not, I am a lot better. I’m not totally the carefree girl that I was, I still have issues at certain times of the month, but I am much, much better, and I’ll take it.
One thing that still bugs me about myself – is it my “new normal” self, or did I used to be this way too? I can’t remember – is that I get so exasperated by the little things in life. Bad traffic makes my heart race and my temper flare. It’s all I can do to control myself with the kids in the car, to keep from yelling in frustration. When I am in the shower, and I hear the kids fussing and fighting, my head wants to explode. When Sophie defies me, I take it personally. When Joshua asks me questionafterquestionafterquestion, or asks me to do something when I am clearly already busy, it makes me insane.
But the other day, as I was looking in the bathroom mirror, putting product in my wet hair to try and encourage it’s lazy waves, and Sophie started screaming and fussing in from the other room, mad at her brother about something, and that exasperated vein in my forehead started to throb, I just took a deep breath and realized: I need to put on the big girl panties of motherhood. I have little children. This is what they do. Sure, they are often sweet and funny and they make my heart burst with pride, but they are also messy, tempestuous, and selfish. And every day with them will be exhausting but it will also be beautiful.
So.
I am all for being real. I am all for letting my feelings out – why pretend that something is perfect when it’s not? That would only serve to make me crazier. My kids make me crazy. Several times a day. But they also make me deliriously happy. And if having my cake and eating it too smacks of discontentment with my life, then I’ll just have it. Put it in front of me and I’ll stare at it maybe sniff the icing and take in its sugary scent, but I won’t have a bite. In fact, I’ll take mine without a fork. Just in case.
Thanks for this post! This is a subject that moms are reluctant to discuss. We feel like we are failing our kids. The more we talk about it the more other moms will realize they are not alone!
Those little annoyances from the children will become your fondest memories later on…with mine at 24 and nearly 21, I miss the “Daddy I want…s” of yesteryear. As for the traffic..one word, honey, ATLANTA!
Amen! Glad to hear you are feeling more normal these days.
I have to admit, if I can’t get my busy B on a better schedule (I mean that loosely) then I’m going to scream. I’m so sleep deprived from the last month, as we’ve adjusted to the new things in our life. Everyone else is fine with the “schedule” but me. I’m exhausted, and that means I’m crabbier than I’d like to be.
Hugs to you. I totally understand what you are talking about with your new normal self.
I am glad to hear you are feeling better!
I’m so glad you are feeling better!
Children are wonderful, but they aren’t without frustrating moments. That’s to be sure. 🙂
What a perfect quote:
“why pretend that something is perfect when it’s not? That would only serve to make me crazier.”
Fabulous post. thank you for sharing.
Nicely said…glad you’re feeling better!
Wonderful post, I am glad to hear you are feeling better, and trust me you are not alone. My two being two years apart are always making me crazy and then they will turn around and hug me or kiss me or just out of the blue hugh each other. Parent hood comes with all the good, the not so good, and everything in between.
I feel like this a lot and it makes me feel horrible. I always feel reassured to know that I’m not the only one that has these moments/days/weeks.
Jenny, thank you for – as usual – being so honest. I’m SO GLAD that you are feeling better!! But I’m also dealing with a bit of what you describe as a parent. Annalyn is becoming so rebellious – maybe it’s nothing compared to a 3-year-old or teenager, but compared to my sweet baby of just a FEW MONTHS AGO? It’s crazy! And hard, and heartbreaking, and frustrating – and just part of life.
I’ve been trying to describe to my husband how I think we need to change our parenting (and specifically, disciplining) strategy. I’m going to try using the phrase “big girl panties” today – see if THAT helps him understand! 😉
I think so many moms feel this way. I love love my girls but I was ready to ship them off to my mom’s house Monday night for a week! (they are there just for an overnight visit tonight…that helps immensely)
Take time out for you! I think that is the important thing to remember. I get really loaded down with all the “stuff” of life that is mundane and stressful and I often forget that I used to be a fun, single girl.
Any way, thanks for the honesty and so glad you are feeling better!
xoxo
I think the carefree you left when we moved away to college and I wasn’t there to share it with you… at least that’s the lie I’m telling myself.
Well said Jenny! Love you girl!
Thank you so much for sharing this post. You are so not alone in your exasperation. I don’t have a vein in my forehead, but I do have some ‘crazy momma eyebrows’ that come out. Know that you’ve encouraged this mother to ‘put on the big girl panties’ as part of the uniform of motherhood.
Jennybelle, I love you.
so sorry i missed my chance to see you at the lake. i think your new normal is the real normal, really. 🙂
Hang in there even when “big Girl panties” feel too big to fill! This is normal for me too. I find my self at times putting kids in their rooms becasue I need the time out. I will pray for you. Please pray for us too as we add yet another demanding little one to our brood. These feelings are NORMAL yet things we have to work through. Prasie the LORD we are not alone and HE gives us the grace and strength to pull through!
Thank you for posting this! I’m glad I’m not the only one!!!!!! After a very trying morning with mine (ages 4,3,2) my middle one especially, my heart about melted when at naptime he put his little arms around me and said “mommy, I love you, I love Daddy too. Daddy is my best friend”. Now, I’m not Daddy, I’m Mommy but it was still the sweetest thing to hear…..Thank you again! It’s makes me smile to know others are in the same boat…
Wow. I needed to read this after such a long day. At one point, I screamed so loud at my boys that my throat hurt. About an hour later, I told them to stop screaming, and then noted the irony… sigh.
I needed to read this today…its an exact tale of how I’ve been feeling. These feelings have only multiplied tenfold as we try to get moved in to the new house and get accustomed to the new (very large) area! Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone and to remind me to just relax and be patient with them!