“Finding balance” is quite the catchphrase isn’t it? It sounds so lovely, as though one might just come across balance somewhere, and instantly become serene and peaceful.
Let me just tell you – serene is the exact OPPOSITE of what I feel right now. I absolutely feel like I’m drowning, and I’m not sure what to do about it.
Take yesterday, for example. I woke up late, rushed to get ready and get the kids to the sitters. Once they were in the sitter’s house, I had to go back outside to pick up the trail of shoes, socks and gloves that we somehow lost in the four steps between the car and the door. I got to work late, had a few minutes to check my email, and then started a marathon meeting at 9:00, from which I had to leave early, so I could make it to my 12:00 graduate class. The bright spot of the day is that the professor didn’t puke on me, which he nearly did the week before, so at least I had that going for me. My class ran 15 minutes over, so I had to grab pretzels, M&Ms, and Diet Coke out of the vending machine and call it lunch, and book it across campus to my 1:30 meeting. That meeting lasted right up until my 3:00 meeting, from which I also had to leave early to make it to my 4:00 class. When I finally arrived home at 7:00, I felt exhausted and absolutely spent.
When I finally fell into bed at 10:00, I couldn’t even stay awake for The Office. And that, people, is not a good sign.
So right now, finding balance seems completely impossible to me. I have a full-time job, a part-time blog, two kids and I’m taking six hours of graduate study. Oh, and I also have a husband. And a house. And food that needs cooked picked up.
I just feel like I’m not doing a good job at any of those things. I’m definitely not being a good friend – I’ve bowed out of more book club meetings and American Idol viewing parties than I care to think about. Andy and I haven’t had a night out in ages. And exercising? Yeah, not so much. (Sorry Shannan and Marcy – I am a sucky running buddy).
I know I’m not alone here, but surely some of you have tips on how to make it all work. How to find balance. Or at least how to keep all the balls in the air. So help me, please!
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Balance? I know not of which you speak?
I will learn with you!
I’m a WAHM which means that I do a thousand million things in a very mediocre way. It’s hard – because we want to do everything well… And sometimes stuff falls through the cracks. Things that help me – I only do laundry one day a week (granted it’s an all day event, but that’s it, I’m not tripping over laundry baskets every day). Menu planning happens right before grocery shopping and in conjunction with the Sunday sale circular for the grocery store. (Just having a plan for meals makes it way easier after a long day of work).
And, just accept that you really ARE doing the best you can… And if all else fails do more mom stuff and less house stuff 🙂
Sweetie, I hear ya…been there, done that, ain’t about to wear the tee shirt.
We live in an over-achiever’s culture, ya know? Somehow we’ve been conditioned to believe “busy” is good, busy gives us value, busy is necessary.
But you’re right to seek out margin for your life; which necessarily means saying “no” to some things, even good things!
Balance is one of my desires for this year; more time with people in real life; less time online (while trying to develop a freelance career and manage writing responsibilities).
I guess I’m not a great advice giver about how to accomplish it, I just wanted to hug you, encourage you and tell you desiring balance is the first step to getting there :). I’m gonna stumble this so maybe you’ll get whizbang traffic from “mamas who know” more than me!
🙂
Wow. I happen to think you’re doing an amazing job! Look at all that you have on your plate.
I think ‘balance’ is a lovely catch phrase, but not reality.
Doing the best you can and doing it in a way that you keep your priorities straight, is all I can hope to do and I don’t have near that much on my plate!
This was wonderfully written, you have a great way of expressing yourself that makes you instantly relateable. (real word?) I don’t know. You know what I’m saying though.
I feel the same way sometimes (a lot of times). I don’t do quite as much as you, but I do quite a bit. I am an accountant in public accounting, so I am working 55(ish) hours a week and I’m taking a class at school as well. I have a 2 year old son and I am planning my wedding. I struggle with getting everything in that I want to, but when it comes down to it, I have to accept the fact that some things need to be put aside that are not AS important. When I make the decision to prioritize like this, it helps tremendously. For example, working out. In this season, it just isn’t a priority to me. If I stop thinking, “I’m going to get up and work out before work tomorrow,” I set myself up for failure and then I just feel discouraged. This is applicable in all sorts of areas. Another thing that helps is planning. I’m not great at this yet, but I am learning. On weeknights, I will get my little guy’s clothes and whatever else he may need at the babysitter for the next day in a bag and in my car. I get my lunch ready and clothes. Sometimes it’s the last thing I want to do at night because I’m so exhausted, but it makes a huge difference and makes my day that much easier to handle.
Hope this helps =) Sorry so long!
But you *do* have balance…nothing came crashing down yesterday!
The fact of the matter is there is never going to be enough time to do all that you want to, so you have to pick and choose what’s most important. Last year, I struggled with eating well, but barely exercised…this year, I’m able to focus on it a bit more.
My only advice is that I try to do as much ahead of time as possible. I spend time the night before packing lunches (mine, too…to avoid the vending machines) and getting dinner to a reasonable state of readiness. Yeah, there are many nights when I’m so tired and it’s the last thing I want to do…but it’s much better than doing it at 6PM with two hungry kids hanging on me.
And dinner? In this house the simpler the better. We had garlic and rosemary pork tenderloin, sauteed spinach and cous cous last night. Delicious and it took 20 minutes.
Oh my goodness! I think you might have been living inside my head for the last week or so! Sooooo true! Nice to know I’m not alone!
I don’t work a full time job and am not going to school so I don’t know HOW you do it! Wish I had some helpful tips, rest assured I will be coming back to see everyone else’s answers!
Sorry, Emily. I don’t have much to offer. I have been posting some similar stuff lately. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
No advice, just commiseration. Your post makes me think of my two-page list of goals for 2009. TWO pages! I know it’s ridiculous, I do. But then I look at the things I want to experience and accomplish, and I just canNOT figure out what to leave off the list!
You are definitely not alone. Just about 800 times a day I second-guess my ability to keep juggling it all up in the air and make the most important things the real priority.
I’ve been looking for blogs from more seasoned moms who work outside the home and share their management tips. If anyone knows of good ones, please share. I see a lot from SAHM’s and WAHM’s but since they tend to have more flexible schedules, sometimes I just feel worse about myself after reading how they spend their days. Great blogs, but I’m looking for some with a schedule more like mine.
I find that planning 4 dinners a week is enough for me. Anymore and I feel overwhelmed. I try to make sure that two are super simple too, like a soup and sandwich, or eggs/toast/fruit. I keep telling myself, it doesn’t matter how fabulous dinner is, as long as B and I both eat and it’s reasonably balanced. I also don’t plan what days to eat what. That gives me the flexibility to make the simple meals on the crazier days, whenever they fall.
Girlfriend, been there done that. You have so many hats you’re wearing right now – seriously, I commend you and I can empathize because I’ve been there!
I can’t give you any real advice other than to *try* to laugh about all of it. Sometimes, that helps – oh, and a maragarita w/ your hubs would probably be good therapy too!!
My mom always told me I never took time for quiet and I always responded that I didn’t have TIME for quiet! I’m balancing career, training, volunteer commitments, and a long distance relationship to top it off so I know it’s different, but balance is required nonetheless…
The one thing I changed in the last year is that my day starts earlier…5:25 a.m. to be precise…to make sure I get some me time before I start the REAL day. I’ve found that how I start the day definitely sets the tone for the rest of it…and if I feel pulled together when I head out the door, that’s generally how it’ll be. (but God knows that’s not guaranteed!)
Balance is a struggle for almost anyone with a “real” life. You sound ambitious and I’m inspired 🙂 Good luck with it all — thinking of you!
Oooh, just thought of my favorite time saver!! YO-YO Night. Stands for: You’re On Your Own, and is basically a fun way to say “leftover night” – so if you plan your menu to account for leftovers one night a week, you know you can go home and have one night where you chill….
What is this balance thing you speak of? I know it not.
Emily, I can completely relate. With the two little guys, full time job, and grad school I feel like I can’t give anyone 100% and everything suffers. That is why my house is a mess, I’ve been wearing the same jeans for 4 days (we have NO clean laundry) and we just ordered pizza for dinner because I am too exhausted to cook. I just try to think about the light at the end of the tunnel when my master’s is done in May!! Then maybe I’ll get to that laundy.
Emily… if you come up with some very valuable but yet workable points….PLEASE I am soooo begging you…FORWARD them to me!!! Because I am in that boat with you sister!! Hugggggggggs we are doing the best we can… know that much if anything =)
I am that too, without the college, and am a single mum. Feel free to share any advice you get in a future blog!!!
Em – you are a good mom and wife and friend and all the other stuff that doesn’t matter anywhere as much as those three.
Balance is a fallacy — you do what you have to do when it’s in front of you and that means other stuff just flat out doesn’t get done. People who love you understand that and don’t hold it against you.
The only advice I have? Tell yourself you’re not going to die when you’re forty. By that I mean this: goals matter, yes, but there’s no hard and fast rule that you have to achieve x,y,& z by a certain age.
Hang in there, girl!
Just the other night someone said “You do it so well- juggling 4 kids and making it look so easy!” and I just LAUGHED in their face. Didn’t mean to be rude, but oh dear- I might be good at putting on the show, but what goes on behind the scenes… yeah… ugh.
I think most days we all put up with the chaos & craziness because we know that there will be a few days that pop up when everything seems ok. Not balanced, but still good. Still worth it.
Steph
I only have one and my moto when I am all stress out is “just let go”. I just let go of all stuff that I think I should be doing and most of the time its the workouts, the dinners out, the clean laundry 🙂
From reading this blog, I think you are doing an awesome job!
Emily – please don’t apologize to me about not being a good running buddy! I feel like I am drowning right now too and I don’t have half the things on my plate that you do! It is extremely hard to feel like we are doing any one thing well when we are pulled in so many directions. We just have to keep going and know that we are doing the best we can. I don’t have much advice, except to consider what is truly important to you, and to say no to the rest (even if it is AI…the horror! :-)) Hang in there girlfriend!