A couple of weeks ago, Emily posted asking for advice on what she’s in for with having a second baby. A lot of you responded reassuringly that she was going to be just fine! And I’ve no doubt she will be!! Then the other day, I got this query from a reader named Jen:
“I’m halfway through my second pregnancy, so i’m currently contemplating what two kids will really mean (ie. “what the heck was i thinking?!?!?!â€) i think you should do a blog about all the little tips for us moms going from one kid to two. =)”
Well, I don’t know if I have any tips per se, but I thought it might be at least interesting to share with you about what it was like for ME to go from having one kid to two. I thought it was pretty challenging. I think that obviously the distance in age between your kids has something to do with it, but I’m not sure what the magic number is as far as age range goes to make it “easier” to go from one kid to two. My kiddos are two years and nine months apart (that’s right, it was “Happy 2nd Birthday Joshua! We just made you a sister!”) and I was realllllyyy hoping to have Joshua potty trained by the time Sophie came along, but that really crashed and burned. So, I had two in diapers for awhile, and then I had the constant fun of trying to get Joshua on & off the potty while I had a baby attached to my boob. This of course happened about 47 times a day. His bladder and her need to nurse were perfectly in sync! I am not exaggerating!! (ok the 47 times part was a bit of an exaggeration. But it was still just about every time he had to pee.)
While the whole nursing-potty thing was logistically difficult, the hardest thing for me to deal with overall was having to care for Joshua’s basic needs when I was SO EXHAUSTED from being up with Sophie all night. I couldn’t nap when Sophie napped during the day, like I did when Joshua was a baby. (Not that he ever kept me up all night. He was way too easy!) I remember one day when Sophie was 4 or 5 weeks old, my friend Megan & her little boy came over to visit and bring Christmas goodies. Well, Sophie had been up every hour on the hour the night before, and I was just a mess. If Megan hadn’t been there I might have just gone out in the cold and laid down in the middle of my busy street and let nature take its course. Those were some tough days, but thankfully I was too out of it to have much of a memory of them now.
Now that Sophie is one, and crazy, and very mobile, my biggest challenge is to keep peace between the two kids. Joshua is constantly getting irritated that his sister is messing up his train track, or chewing on his toys, or something of that nature. But, often, they really enjoy each other and it is so sweet to watch! They love to chase each other around, and every morning when we come downstairs, Sophie howls with laughter as Joshua comes down the steps behind her. It is incredibly heart-warming (sorry that is the only word I can think of to describe it!) It’s nice to know that Joshua will never remember a time when Sophie wasn’t a part of our family. I hope that they will grow up to be good friends, just like my older nerds brothers and I did.
So, there ya go, Jen (and Emily). Once you get over the shock of having a baby that is commpletely and totally different from your first child, it’s pretty great to have two little boogers running around. And Em, just think, it’ll be TWICE the BLOG FODDER!
Blog Fodder!! Funny. That’s exactly what goes thru my head whenever something goes wrong at home. It’s like a silver lining when I can say “well, at least I have my next post.”
It’s a tough decision, really. I have one son now and to think of all the difficulties of caring for 2 little ones makes me break out in cold sweat. But if I don’t have another child, I might regret later as well. So, I’m like kind of stuck, not knowing whether to have or not to have!!
Here – Here! Our 2nd was hard. She cried from 4p UNTIL 7 pm FOR THE FIRST 3 MONTHSOF HER LIFE!!!!! To the point that y dear husband and oldest son would leave on “errands” every evening due to the distress the screaming caused to our oldest. Those m emories are distant now – she is now almost 12 and a pure joy. We still like to tease her though that if our 3rd had not been a HUGE surprise we would have stopped at 2! (NOW we have 7!) Take heart – it is all good!
I could have written your post exactly. Only minor differences in my situation–mine are 2 years and 6 months apart and my first is a girl, my second a boy.
My only advice is “lower your standards.”
That first one was always dressed in cute matching outfits and ate balanced meals and went to every appropriate play date and story time. Number 2 came along and I was happy if #1 had clothes and ate *something* every few hours.
Karen at Pediascribe put it perfectly. Lower your standards. I too used to dress baby boy #1 perfectly all the time. You never saw him in the same outfit in a weeks time. Now baby boy #2 is usually dressed in the same outfit all the time (I do wash a lot in my house).. it is just easier!! (my boys are almost three years apart.
If you have already had at least two children……You know how we all have picuures of every sniff, every wipe, every step, every goo, every smile, every first of the first one and just several professional pics of the second that you were lucky to get in the first place.
DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN!
Make sure you take tons of pictures of that second little angel, or trust me, they’ll notice later!!!
Ruth, can I get a wittness? Do you even have pics of the 7th? If not, caught a few at the lake, let me know, I’ll send them to you, lol.
twice the blog fodder. LOL isn’t that why we all have a second child? 😉
my best advice is to get as much help as you can in the beginning and then be prepared to go with the flow.
luane, i think we have even pics…video taping is another story…..for our 7th…we have video of last christmas and this christmas and that is about it….OH WELL! Would love to see your pics sometime.
I agree with Luane. 1 kid ot 7 kids take alot of picture to remember the happy moments of each as they grow. It goes FAST and I do not regret have MANY kids even if they rule my life at times. 🙂
my first two are a couple weeks shy of 2 years apart. the good thing was, my son adored his baby sister. the bad thing…it took me hours, at first, just to get ready to get out of the house!! but, it was amazing to watch the relationship develop between the two. but, once you figure it all out…it becomes a no brainer.
thanks for all the fun advice. I’m already purposing to enjoy every little moment before #2 gets here… like how easy it is to run to Walmart for some craft paint!! I realize those days may be gone for a while, but i’m excited to see my little man have a buddy (albeit, i’m not sure if it’s a girl or boy yet…we’ll see!) being pregnant with a toddler in the house has already been a precursor…. no rest for the weary! thanks again for the stories…
I remember something funny about my first outing with two to the store. My oldest had just turned 3 just days before my second came along. I was getting a bit stir crazy being at home with two little ones and decided to go out shopping with the kids. Just one problem… where do I put TWO KIDS in ONE CART and still get EVERYTHING ON MY FUGE (thanks Joshua) SHOPPING LIST?
I called and asked my mom for suggestions. I asked what she did with my brother and me when we were little. Her solution? “I just left you home with your dad and went out myself.” Great idea, but not practical for me.
So, I did venture out… with two kids and the FUGE list in hand. The baby bucket car seat went in the cart, the 3 year old went in the seat, and some clever stacking went on underneath and around the carseat.
And I did feel more empowered after that trip. It was like I was 5 and in my Wonder Woman underroos again… ready to conquer the world.
Hey,Lori
I remember you in those underoos!
My two are just shy of 14 YEARS apart!!! Talk about easy 🙂 But certainly not practical. We’re now contemplating number three…..Since Aiden just turned a year in November I think we’re going to try for about three years in between. Although we had originally thought we wanted them closer, I just don’t know if my sanity can handle another one yet.
I had my first 3 in 2 1/2 years. So when my 2nd was born, we had just celebrated the oldest’s 1st birthday. Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest for me. REALLY BIG adjustment. But, like you say, I think a lot of that has to do with the age apart. After the 2nd, the next 2 seemed like a piece of cake. I will say as hard as that first year was, they are now 8,7,5 and 3 and they all play so well together and are eachother’s best friends.
Best advice: take every bit of help you’re offered. EVERY BIT.
And, should somone stop by with a cute little outfit for #2 (which you really don’t need since you’ve got tubs of cute outfits from #1) ask them if they could hold the baby/watch the toddler/stay for just a minute while you….brush your teeth, put on some clean clothes without an audience, maybe even dive in and out of the shower. Don’t let them escape without helping you!!
When I went from 1-2, #1 was only 21 months. Tricky, but doable. I even made a grocery run with both when #2 was only 1 week — I had no family there to help and my dear man had to work for us all, so had no choice but to go myself.
I used to put the toddler in the cart seat, the baby carrier in the cart, then drag another cart behind me. Tough, but doable if you know exactly what you need at the store and come supplied with DumDum suckers for the toddler 🙂
It will be tricky, but it will beautiful, too. And you’ll become an even better (albeit forever tired) mommy!