Dirty Ducks and Foul-Mouthed Fish

My four-year-old son is really into knock-knock jokes, and consequently, so is my two-year-old daughter. She has no idea what she’s saying or what they mean, but she thinks she’s hysterical. So the other night, while I was out running errands, my husband gave the kids fish sticks for dinner and decided to turn the fish sticks into a knock-knock joke.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish!
Fish who?
Fish for dinner! Eat your fish sticks!

Hilarious, right? Well, my little Sophie thought it was hilarious, and kept telling it over and over, in her typical loud exuberance. Only when she tells, it, it sounds like this:

Knock, knock.
(who’s there?)
B*TCH!
(fish who?)
ha ha ha ha B*TCH! ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. As hard as we tried to get her to pronounce the “f” and the “sh” sounds, it just keeps coming out “B*TCH!” Sadly, there are few things cuter than a cutie-pie of a two-year-old screaming “B*TCH” and laughing about it. Once again, Bobby and I were in hysterics. We even got it on video. Yes, we are awesome parents! Of course Sophie felt the need to tell her new joke over and over at our house church Sunday night, so Bobby and I had some ‘splaining to do. Soph really raised some eyebrows!

Sophie’s new favorite epithet reminds me of the time Emily and I took Kate and Joshua to the Indy Children’s museum. The whole place is awesome, but as they were 21 and 23 months old at the time, respectively, we spent most of our time in the really amazing toddler area they have there. The kids especially liked the water play area with lots of boats and rubber ducks.

Kate, being the bright, verbal toddler that she was, liked picking the ducks up and saying “QUACK QUACK QUACK!”

Only it didn’t sound like “quack”. It sounded like what quack would sound like if you took out the “a” and put an “f” where the “q” is.

That’s right, Kate was cussing out the ducks! A panicked Emily kept saying, “Kate, can you say QUACK!?” To which Kate would reply, “F***, F***, F***!”

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Because, as sad as this is, there are few things cuter than a cutie-pie-of-a-21-month old cussing out some rubber duckies.

And it also makes one very popular with the other parents in the water play area!

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15 Replies to “Dirty Ducks and Foul-Mouthed Fish”

  1. Sadly, I have not seen the video yet.
    I tried this joke out.Did you know that you can get kicked out of Wal-mart for telling knock-knock jokes? Apparently,it isnt nearly as funny when it is a 39 year old man….

  2. That is so funny, I am literally crying.

    I also wanted to tell you I finally made it to Ikea last weekend. It was very very very crowded (just after that cold snap) but, soooo very cool!

  3. HAHAHAHA!! OMG!! that is the funniest thing ever!! im here at work and cant stop laughing. I just had a rep call me and thought i was crying because i was laughing so hard. LOVE YOUR SITE!!

  4. Love the “fish!” Ha Ha! My older daughter couldn’t say the “tr” sound. We live in a rural area where trucks abound, so she loved to say “truck,” only is came out “f***.” She’d yell it at the top of her lungs every time we were outside. It was quite embarrassing. Ah, kids. They definitely keep you on your toes!

  5. Sounds similar to Evan’s inability to say the “g” in gas and informs everyone in the car that we are passing a gas station.

  6. I can relate to the Kate story. Anytime we have dinner and I have only put a spoon out, my demanding 2 year old, Claire, shouts, “FORK!” Only, it comes out the same way Kate said, “duck.”

  7. Funny… my daughter has the same problem. When we are driving, she’ll say what she sees…”car” “sunshine” “trees” and “truck” except when she says truck, it starts with a “f”…. so not cool when we get somewhere and she’s still saying it….

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