Last night Bobby was at a work thing so I took the kids to the mall because my birthday money was burning a hole in my pocket, and I’ve recently ruined a couple of shirts that I wear for everyday mommin’, so I thought I’d see what I could find for myself and then let Joshua play at the play place.
After some semi-successful shirt shopping, Sophie and I settled in at the play place while Joshua ran around and had fun like a crazy kiddo. Before long, I couldn’t help myself, and I did what I have found myself doing often since I became a mom, and especially in the last few months since I became a stay-at-homer. I started watching the other moms, and comparing myself to them. I’ve been doing this a lot lately where there are mom-types gathered: the mall, the grocery, the park, the bookstore. I look at what they’re wearing, how they’ve done their hair, their makeup (or lack of it). Then I compare myself to see how I measure up. I remember one day after I had first started staying at home, I took both my kiddos to Babies ‘R Us. I had the no-makeup-and-ponytail look going on. Not cute. I saw two moms there whose eyes I wanted to SCRATCH OUT they looked so PERFECT! One was prego and “all belly†with perfectly cute maternity outfit and blown-out hair, lovely makeup, and well-dressed first child in the cart. The other mom was in ripped jeans, tight tank top, and also had the perfectly blown out hair and makeup, as well as killer manicure and adorable child. I had the adorable children and not much else. I slid out of there feeling pretty low.
Tonight I fared a little better. I had on a pretty ho-hum outfit – denim capris and a t-shirt, and I was again rockin’ the ponytail, but I had a respectable makeup job. And there were a couple moms at the play place rockin’ the TUBE TOP who really shouldn’t have been. But really, what does it matter? WHY can’t I go anywhere without comparing myself? Why is it important for me to look pretty, hip, cool, trendy, etc?
Anyone got an answer for me?
you are still you 🙂 and your heart desires to be beautiful just the way God made you. i understand the struggle – everyday. Be who you are and once in a while ditch the pony tail – HEHE. No one else has anything on you. All who know you know that especially my Brother – who else matters! 🙂
Cousin, we very nearly ended up at the mall play area last night, but our trip to Target took longer than expected.
Had I known you were having this crisis, we would have definitely gone… then you could have compared yourself to me (ponytail, whatever make-up was left from 7a.m.) and you would have felt much better!!
I too find myself comparing myself to others. I think it is only naturally. Also since becoming a mom I dont pamper myself as much as I used to, but I decide along time ago that i wouldnt forget myself and start dressing like a bumb or not watching my waistline…lol. Dont get me wrong I have my slump days where i bumb it, i just try not to make a habit of it.
you should run into me while you are out. it would make you feel better about yourself. 😉 hehe. i am in serious need of a haircut.
i’ve found that i don’t compare myself w/ other moms as much as i used to. but maybe it’s becuz the women i’m friends w/ are all moms who have the whole “mom” look goin’ on too. 🙂
I know I feel that way at times too.
I know when I do take a little more time by applying makeup my husband loves it!
I’m sure a lot of the moms were looking at you and thinking the same thing (not the she-shouldn’t-be-wearing-that-tube-top thought; the she-looks-so-put-together-and-has-cute-kids-to-boot one). I think every woman is guilty of comparing herself to others at some point or another. It’s just what we do – it’s up there with the need for chocolate!
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
I used to do this pretty regularly, ok, all the freaking time. But lately, not so much. Granted, most days I’d make just about anyone feel darn good about themselves in comparison, but Now I feel settled. I’ve been rockin’ the stay at home mom gig for 5 years, we’ve found our groove, and I don’t sweat too much about the small stuff when we go out. If Rolly Polly doesn’t have some mysterious stickiness attached to her nose, its a good day for me.
My thoughts: I think the comparing thing is completely pointless, but the wanting to look good thing isn’t so bad. I think too many moms fall into the habit of completely letting themselves go when they stay home which isn’t good either. A big part of who I was before I was a mom was that I was fashionable and “put together.” To abandon that just because I am not in the workforce anymore would be to abandon a big part of me. I don’t think just because we stay home we should stop looking nice, even if the only people who appreciate it are under 4 😉
When I wear a skirt or dress (maybe once every six months) or put on mascara (about the limit of my makeup application) my eight year old daughter always says “mummy, you look so pretty – why don’t you wear dresses/skirts/makeup more often?” What I think she’s trying to say is “why don’t you look as good as those corporate mummies picking their kids up in the afternoon”. Then she says “I’m not saying you look horrible the rest of the time …” Ah, kids! I work at a gym and spend all my time in trackpants and sneakers, but I recently upgraded to Lululemon trackpants – just for a little everyday glam.
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Thanks for confessing; I thought I was the only one who did this! The other day, we were in the mall playplace. I was looking at a mom with wash-and-wear hair, t-shirt that wasn’t quite long enough, ill-fitting jeans, and $2 flipflops. I instantly thought, “She’s not even trying!” My next thought, “Oh My Gosh! She looks JUST LIKE ME!” Been blowing out my hair and revisiting those cute pre-baby clothes ever since!
I think the big reason I don’t do this is that I have other things to worry about. My oldest has ADHD and so when I am out and about I am constantly worried that other moms are thinking about my parenting skills because of the way he acts. My fears are reasonable though because plenty of moms have said snotty things to me about how I need to discipline my kid. So – since I have that always on my mind the last thing i’m thinking about is whether or not they approve of my no-makeup, pony-tail, frumpy-t-shirt look. I wish I was like you with a couple of adorable well-behaved kids and time to make myself look presentable (at least sometimes) and time to worry about what I look like. Bottom line though, everyone compares themselves to other people even if we don’t all do it about looks.