Honey, You’re Going Through The Change

This is totally me right now.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-Tpr62bY7thbbuJ/fried_green_tomatoes_1991_evelyns_going_through_the_change/

But let me back up a moment!

My surgery (total abdominal hysterectomy bilateral salpingo oophorectomy – aka they took out all my parts) was a week ago today. The surgery itself was more complicated than they had anticipated, as the endometriosis had progressed quite a bit since December and was attached to all sorts of stuff it shouldn’t have been attached to. And evidently I am a bleeder. So I required the surgeons to really work for their money that day but they did an awesome job and cleared it all out for me and everything turned out just fine.

The first 24 hours afterwards were a bit rough. Jenny arrived to visit shortly after I arrived in my room – before I received my pain medication… which, for some reason, was fairly difficult to acquire. She almost started a #giveEmilydrugs campaign on Twitter, but fortunately it didn’t come to that.

An unfortunate side effect to having surgery so close to one’s bladder is that said bladder becomes very sore and unable to expand to its usual capacity, so the first night I had to go to the bathroom pretty much every hour on the hour. And as those of you who have been in this situation can attest – getting out of bed to do so is no easy process! I had to have Andy unhook me from contraptions on my legs and manage my IV cart and magical ball of pain medicine each time I had to get up and then hook me up to everything when I got back in bed, only to do so again 45 minutes later. It was great fun! But I was so thankful to have him there with me, because calling for the nurses and having to wait on them every time would have been much worse. And he was a great sport about it.

The following day I was feeling better but unsure about whether or not I was ready to go home, which my doc had said was a possibility. Fortunately, she made that decision for me when she came to check on me – my hemoglobin was pretty low because of all the bleeding I did the day before, and she wanted me to stay an additional night. That was definitely the right thing to do and by Friday morning when I was released, I felt ready to go home.

Everything has continued to improve – I am getting up and around pretty well, my pain has been very well controlled (although I am beginning to run out of Percocet and it makes me nervous… I am rationing them out very carefully at this point!) and my friends and family have been taking great care of me.

Right now I’m sitting on my deck with an iPad, a book and a cup of coffee – hard to complain about that.

I am a bit, how should I phrase this, emotionally fragile at the moment, though, and have had a couple breakdowns over very minor things… hence the video above! I don’t know if it’s hormonal at this point or just a result of all the emotional and physical stress from the past couple of weeks, but I have been crying a bit more than usual! But probably still way less than Jenny does on a good day. So it’s all perspective, right?

Anyway, thank you all for the support, prayers and well wishes. It means a lot to me! And now I will knock off this mushy stuff before I start crying again.

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Bruce is a Nice Name

Well, guys, it’s D-Day. Really H-Day, but that doesn’t sound so catchy, now does it?

By the time you read this, Emily will begin her transition from a being woman to being a man with a uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes, to being one without those oft-crucial but now unnecessary and troublesome parts.

Yesterday I was at the OB-GYN for my yearly fun and to follow-up on that business with MY ovaries from last month (apparently the SuperCousins are keepin’ the doc’s kids in college this year) and so I said, “Hey ya know, Dr. P, Emily was in the OR when I had my last C-section so I think I should be allowed into the OR when you do her hysterectomy on Wednesday so I can live tweet it!”

She laughed really hard.

And then she said NO.

DANGIT! Can you believe that?? Dr. Buzzkill! She also told me I can’t make Emily laugh for 2 weeks, which is going to be difficult because

a) I am naturally hilarious and

b) I plan to be by her side literally 24/7 as she recovers. (Except for when I’m working, sleeping, taking care of my kids, showering, running carpool, at speech with Jonah, or at church.)

But I’ll try not to make her literally bust a gut.

Anyway, naturally last night we had one final text convo before the big change:

texts with Em

 

I won’t screen shot what Emily texted next because she will literally kill me as soon as she regains her strength. SO. Sorry!

Anyway, on the off chance Em does wake up a dude, instead of just a lady with no lady innards, I’ve been thinking about what name she should give her male persona. And since the famous Olympian-turned-reality-star-turned-chick has recently vacated the name “Bruce” – I think that’s definitely on the table!

I’ll keep you updated on Facebook on how Em is doing, especially if I get any videos of her getting wacky on painkillers.

But really…she appreciates your prayers as she gets operated on and recovers tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted!

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Here we go again. Probably.

So, my surgery is scheduled for this coming Wednesday. On the one hand, after months of waiting I am so beyond ready to get the show on the road. On the other, I still have 9 million things on my “Surgery Preparation” to-do list, and now I’m running out of time.

Probably, I mean. I am probably running out of time. I am so traumatized by the postponement of this whole thing two months ago that I have a hard time believing it is actually going to happen. I keep thinking of things that would screw it up. Yesterday, for example, I stumbled over a curb and nearly fell off my cute wedges, and my immediate thought was “If I break my ankle, I can’t have my surgery.”

On the third hand, I feel like I am making far too big a deal out of this whole thing and I should just get over myself. I worry that this stupid surgery is all I talk about and that everyone is tired of hearing about it. (So what do I do? Blog about it. Again.) I also feel an immense amount of pressure (completely self-induced, btw) to bounce back right away. A few days ago I started researching post-op exercise plans, trying to determine how I can get back into shape asap.

That particular google search led me to an article about just how many internal stitches and clamps and staples and paperclips are involved in total abdominal hysterectomies and what exactly can happen if one tears, and let me just say it is not pretty.

But! The good news is that in just a few short days, you won’t have to hear me drone on and on about my upcoming hysterectomy. By that point, I will have moved on to being self-absorbed about my recovery. And then menopause.

I do wonder what that will be like – menopause. I mean, what if after going from estrogen-overload to complete estrogen deprivation, my personality completely changes? (Not that it’s ever been particularly sparkling, so maybe that would be a good thing). I could become No Filter Emily and say whatever comes to mind. Basically then I’d just say everything that I now only text to Jenny, and though I might make a whole lot of enemies, it would be quite entertaining. Or I could become Mean Emily. Ergh, I am pretty sure that’s already happened. If I come out of this more grumpy and irritable, my husband and kids will probably be on the next bus out of town.

Or absolutely nothing will change and I will have to come to terms with the fact that there’s not a surgery or medication or diet that will make me any different from what I am. And what then?

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